Always Being One Step Behind..

  Do you ever have this feeling that no matter how hard you tried, things don't turn out the way it wants to be. No matter how hard I persevere, practise or work, I will always be the shadow of someone else, I will never get to be the one appreciated or congratulated. I always think that if I'm always going to be casted away, if I'm always going to be the one that 'only just participated', then what is the point? What is the point of me working hard?

  It's all because of human's urge to gain recognition, to reassure our insecure selves that we do have something that we are good at. We always enjoy the things that we are good at, because it makes us feel good. Recognition boosts your self-confidence and it means that you are acknowledged. Why play a video game that is not going to help you in life? Because you are good at playing that game, and it makes you feel happy and important. Importance, the opposite feeling of being invisible, the feeling that you are appreciated and acknowledged, and also having attention from other people.

  We get so good at something that we get to the stage where we take pride of it. To the point where other people keeps praising you that you are good at something, so it drives you to think that you are good at it. Therefore, you hate the feeling of failing in that certain hobby, whether it be being good at maths or music. It has become such an important thing in your life, that the feeling of being beaten or shaded will make you feel upset and angry.

  However, there are always people that will be better than us. No matter how hard you try, there will always be that one person that is better than you, and it will annoy you so much. You will get frustrated about why can't you be better than her, you will create this mental competition with that one person that is unnecessary, but you feel like you have to, because the day when you beat he/she, you will feel like you have won. It's the pride and the reluctance to admit that you are worse, because it is the only thing that defines you, and if you admit that you are worse, that means that you are worth nothing.

  Take me for example, I picked up music as a hobby alongside with school and it has developed to the stage where I am at a high level. Music is the only thing that defines me, it is the only thing that I'm remotely good at. However, there is this older girl in my school who is at the same level as me, but just a little bit better. She had the fine technique I didn't have, she had the clean playing style that I didn't possess. Due to the fact that she was older than me, she had all the performing opportunities, all the praises, recognition and love from the teachers, I was always standing in her shade. Sometimes, I would sit next to her in orchestra and listen to the praises and flowery words that teachers would drop on her, and for some reason, my heart will start to ache a bit. I have worked so hard to achieve what I have, but why do I feel discontented, like I've not done enough to prove myself? I will always one step behind her.. 

 Now, I have realised that there will always be someone better than. Whether it be someone who I don't know or someone that is living in the same environment as me. There will always be a higher mountain to climb. I have realised that she will probably have someone that she looks up to and envies, she will also have someone who is better than her, because she is not the best in the world. And so am I, why should we all aim to be the best and drive ourselves to be recognised for our work? Of course being praised and complimented is a good thing, but what is really the most important is to focus on yourself. You get so distracted from the mental competition that you have created that you lose focus on your own progress. Don't compare yourself to other people because it will just waste your time just thinking about it, because as I said, there will always be someone better. Just do your best, give your everything, convey your passion and just focus on yourself and just you. At the end of the day, you, yourself is your biggest commitment. So when you've improved and achieved your goals, give yourself a pat on your back, because you deserve it. :)

Friends

I think we can all agree that we want to be loved by everyone, we want to be the perfect person that everybody looks up to, we want to be 'goals'. When I scroll through my tumblr feed, I see these pretty and tanned girls in a bikini admiring the sunset, instead of feeling a sign of awe, I had a sign of defeat. In reality, we really can't be the perfect person, even the pretty girls in those 'perfect' pictures, there will always be people who find us annoying, and there will always be people who don't favour us. We all have our bad habits.

  That's what friends are for. True and genuine friends will tolerate your bad habits, they're the ones that share the same characteristics, habits and interest as you and those, are the ones that will help you all the way through life and don't hold grudges against you. True friends won't isolate you for someone else, true friends stick up to you no matter what, and trust me, there will only be just a few in your entire life. You don't need a hundred people to care about you because chances are, the majority of them don't care and just want your attention, true friends however do care and thinks about your needs before theirs. In primary school, I used to be friendless because I was different, I was new to the environment and I didn't know anyone, I remember I would cry everyday until a girl approached me one day and asked me if I was okay before anyone else, she did it because she cared, she did it because she noticed and was concerned. The feeling was new and touching, it was like finding light in the big dark world and I can tell you that the girl that became my first friend in life is now my best friend for 7 years.

  Friends are bonded through memorable things, you both have a mutual memory of each other. The small talks you have with them, the DMCs you talk about all night, the memorable school trips you had together. A friend is somebody that can insult your insecurities and you won't feel offended because you know they're joking. Sometimes at night, I wonder what i wake up everyday for, what is something that is worth while for me to get up and sleep at a decent time? Well, friends do, we look forward to school, to trips, to dates because we want to make more memories with your friends, going to school and studying might not be fun but you will find that the best memories you have in life lies in the memories you make at school. A school is a portal for you to make friends so treasure it. I think there is a clear difference between lovers and friends, Lovers are a pair of people who are passionately in love and can tolerate each others flaws; friends are a group of people who respect you for who you are and were there to witness your success since day 1.

That Bully

  I’ve come to notice that bullying has become quite common, whether if it’s on the Internet, or physically in school. The proper definition of a bully is someone who uses strength and influence to harm or intimidate those who are weaker. Those people are selfish and they feel good when they bully people, it gives them a sense of power and satisfaction, and it is addicting.

 

  I was really lucky to have not yet had this experience of being bullied but I always feel compassion when I see posts on social media about bullying, I feel it’s very unfair and unjust, it drives people to a corner where there are no options of escape, I cannot dare to think how horrible that feeling is. Even though I’m not somebody in the position to give advice, I still want to put out some points to the victims out there. Don’t be silent about it, silence is like a cancer grows, if you stay silent about it, all those mean comments will keep on bothering your mind and you’ll become really self-conscious and depressed. You don’t necessarily have to tell a physical person, just write it out in your diary or on a blog, something to express your feelings.

  All bullies bully because they have their insecurities, mostly I think is because they want to be cool and be popular, people enjoy attention as I’ve mentioned in my previous post, their insecurity is losing friends and popularity, and mostly attention. If you know an insecurity of the bully that bullies you, pick on that, intimidate them, write a post-it and stick it on their locker, if you’re brave enough, say it in their face. Another way is to make them embarrassed in front of public, crack a joke in front of them and make them look bad. You don’t have to be afraid to speak up because there are no rankings between people, you and them are on the same level, both human beings, it’s just that ones more confident than the other, just because they have more friends to support them doesn’t mean that they are more superior than you. Step up.

  I guarantee you that if you avoid them by changing schools or by any other way, it won’t let the problem resolve. When you go into the new school, you’ll still have this insecurity that people will mock you and you become skeptical of people, unable to show you true self. If you let all those bullies go away, you’re confidence will rise and I bet then you won’t be the weakest person in school.  Don’t give up when you’re down because you have an amazing life upon you and it is not worth it to be worrying over some stupid comments that aren’t even true. Design your own life, and don’t others design it for you…

  And for bullies that are reading this post, pulling down someone doesn’t mean it’ll put you in a higher position, so stop bullying.

The First Phone Call From Heaven

 I've recently read the book called 'The First Phone Call From Heaven' by Mitch Albom. I just wanted to review on this book, my thoughts on the message the book delivers. (Apologies to the ones who haven't read it) I have to admit, it's not one of Mitch Albom's best books (strongly recommend 'The Time Keeper')

 The whole book illustrates a story about a small area in America called Cold Waters and it all started with a normal woman called Tess who received a phone call from her dead mother, and the story proceeds when we find out that there are other people who have also received these phone calls. However, the protagonist Sully is determined to decode this mystery because he doesn't believe in this 'madness' because he too had scars from his dead wife who was killed because of him. 

 The message from this book is that faith is a very dangerous thing, we may believe in something that is completely false, in terms called 'false hopes'. The phone calls in this book are a sacred false hope to the people, a proof that heaven exists, and people go mad about it. The story actually progresses to the point where people go mental and do whatever they can to receive the phone call from heaven, proving that religion can manipulate our minds and persuade us to do anything. Personally, I think these false hopes should be stayed as it is, even though they might all be nonexistent, it gives believers a purpose to live, something they can hold on to, so it's better to let them be. Because the truth is cruel, it breaks the circle you have created after years of believing. We can see this in the book, the truth can crush people, like they have lost their sense of being, like believing into a lie. I also think these false hopes can create fantasies for people to escape for reality, when the characters from the book first heard from their dead relatives, they were in shock, emotional, relieved; they were relieved that their dead relatives are safe, they were emotional because they missed them so dearly, they were in shock because they were speechless about this miracle. Believing in heaven is what heals us on earth..

 I have false hopes as well, I believe that there is a world in the other side of the parallel universe where life wasn't complicated, where I will have no worries, where I will be loved and not be forgotten. But of course, it's just a dream that I hold on to, the ideal life I hope for, though it might just be a dream, it gives me a target and imagination. I think everyone is allowed to have a belief and a dream, everyone deserves an imaginary portal to let out their feelings and dreams through.

 I hope you've enjoyed this post, please support and leave a comment about your dreamland :)

  

Be Thankful

 I've just realised that Mother's Day just went by. Mother's Day was never really celebrated in my house but this year, I've decided to show my appreciation.

 I always think that we take things for granted, even though majority of the time we say 'thank you', we don't genuinely mean it most of the time. I also think that we never are aware about how much our parents have sacrificed for us, I've only just recognised this when I came to England, when I was homesick and missing the support my parent's gave me. Even when you're parents might be really busy and never see you, doesn't mean they don't love you, they just express it in a different way. This applies to divorced families, although your parents might be separated, and you might feel betrayed and depressed, that doesn't mean that they don't feel guilty and love you less. Just look around you, your bed, the meals you have everyday, the education you get, are all sacrifices from your parents. We  never are aware of this because you think it's just a life necessity. You're lucky because you have technology, you have a computer to read this blog, trust me, there are so many people out there that don't have an education, a warm home to live in globally. You don't know how privileged you are. Your parents could spend their money on their own luxury and pleasure, but instead, they spent it on you because they want you to live a good life.

 Be grateful to your friends because they are the ones that will support and understand you all the time, they are the people that you can have fun with and let me tell you that not everyone can have this sheer joy. There are millions of people out there who are stuck in life due to bullying and depression, they have no friends and nobody to talk to yet nobody is laying a helping hand because they are afraid. So, cherish those moments when you have a sleepover with your friends because when you come out into the great big world, it's really hard to make friends because it's a competitive environment and nobody and trust each other.

 Therefore, if you're thinking that you have no friends or feeling unloved, think about all the countless things you're parents has done for you (might be one of your memorable birthday parties they organised) and think about all the fun and memories you made with your friends, these make you realise that you are not alone. So tonight when you go to bed, give a hug to your parents and thank them for what they've done for you, call up your long lost best friend and talk about your memories, I'm sure these things will lighten up your day once you count the little happy things that happened to you.

 Thank you for reading this :) Leave a comment about your worries and create a discussion, let's all help and support each other💗

For All That Are Struggling With Friendships

  Friends are not easy to make, it takes time, commitment, coincidences to establish. Sometimes, I always think that it's better to have a few best friends who you can really rely on instead of having hundreds of friends, this is my advice to people out there who think they don't have enough friends and are not popular enough, you don't need popularity in your life, you need genuine friendships.
  For people out there who are struggling to make friends at school, at work or wherever. This is the blogpost for you. I came to England not knowing anybody, unknown to the culture, and I have to admit, I was in culture shock when I first arrived and it took time for me to fit in. I was fine with socialising and I made some friends at the start but I started to lose contact with them because I was tired out by the work I had to do and I didn't have the time to socialise. Biggest mistake I've ever made. During the time of me engrossed into my work, my 'friends' have moved on and created friendship groups naturally. So, I was back to square one again and it took so long and so much effort to make friends again. The period of loneliness lasted a while, I've experienced depression, I was crying everyday because I hated the feeling of being an outcast, isolated and friendless. I kept bottling up my feelings and dealt with my own problems, I was stuck in a position where I'm unable to join any friendship groups because I was one step late.
  The main problem I made was that I didn't take the initiative, take the initiative to create conversation with your biology partner, you might find you have quite a lot common interests. Always bring up topics like tv series, viral videos, celebrities, something that everyone has interest in. If you feel you need to change yourself to make friends, don't, you need to embrace your weirdness because everyone is different and if they despise for that, then they're not worthy to be your friend anyway, they're so many people out there that understand and have the same character as you, you're not alone. Also, you have a long path ahead so aim far and ignore the little pebbles that stop you on the way, they're just another test to make you stronger. Now when I look back to the diaries I wrote during the time of my depression, I felt like I was exaggerating and over reacting to the situation. Sometimes at desperate situations, we tend to be emotional, so try to calm yourself down and think of solutions to make the situation better. This goes to making friends, getting into an argument with a friend, any kind of situation.
  I hope you have found this useful through from what I've learnt in past experiences and hopefully opened up your mind and remember that friends take time to establish and that time will heal everything as long as you make the effort to take the first step

Never Regret

  We can all agree that our time on in life is limited. The cycle of life starts from your birth, your growth to adulthood, ageing and death. It's a fact, at some point in your life, you will die, you will lose your consciousness and dive into a long, long sleep.
  Therefore, it's seems fairly sensible to enjoy life and treasure your youth. I believe that events in life, timing is crucial. If you have a goal or a dream you want to achieve, for example going skydiving, it will be better to do it in your early adulthood. The message is, don't hesitate to follow your passion and dream, because when the time is gone, there's no turning back and you'll regret it. My mother is the perfect example, in her younger years, she dreamt of being a dancer and a singer, but because she was obligated to go to university and work behind a desk to support her family, she lost her chance and instead used her time earning money in a job she doesn't enjoy all her life. Until now, she is able to enjoy her life fully after her retirement but the sad reality is, she will never be able to achieve her childhood dream because she wasted it. If you're passionate about business, do it, don't hesitate even though your parents might object, ignore them and overcome those hurdles. I always think that if you're doing a job you're passionate about, you won't feel bored and do a great job naturally because you're interested in it. Take my sister as an example, she was academic at school but she was passionate in drawing and animation, she decided to go with her instincts and applied to an art school without my mother knowing, risking it to follow her dreams. Now, she is in the top of her year and receiving amazing internships in different various big companies, she followed her dream and is now doing really well though the journey was hard.
  I hope the stories I have told you have inspired you. I have to admit, even I have troubles in confronting my dreams and chasing them because it takes courage and time but I will always remember this quote 'Remember, life is better to burn out than to die away' and I will instantly feel motivated. Let's all work hard together to fight for our dreams, and don't have regrets in our lives until the very last moment. Good Luck <3

That Little Change

  We always want to make a difference in the world. Deep inside our hearts, we aspire to be famous, we aspire to be someone who inspires, someone can make a change in the world. Why? Because the cruel reality of human kind is that we crave attention, we crave to be important. And you know what is more cruel? This craving eats us and makes us desire it more than ever. Don't deny that you want to have lots of likes on instagram or Facebook, don't deny you feel jealous when someone is popular. However, i don't deny, the feeling of being popular is satisfying.
  I'm always being stuffed these different career talks at school where different various successful people come and give lectures about their story. They have took that brave step to be adventurous to change the world, change the lifestyle of people, but that takes a lot of courage. Taking that step is so important, it just depends whether you want to take it or not. I bet you a lot of people have this ideal dream life they have already planned in their head but they never took action. I have admit, I am one of them, I've always dreamed to upload covers of songs and post them on Youtube, I've always planned that I will audition for music companies because singing is my passion, but I've never did anything. Why? Because I'm afraid, afraid of failure, afraid of criticism. Aren't we all?
  However, in life, you don't need to be popular to be important. I've realised that the things that make you important are your family and the amazing people you meet in life. Our goal of making difference in the world always starts by making an impact on people around you. Making that little change can build up your confidence and make you strive for bigger changes. At the end of the day, that little change you made on somebody might be all it takes for somebody to remember you.
  Remember, it is up to you what your life is. You are the designer of your life, so make the most of it by making that little change.