Dear Best Friend

Dear Best Friend,

  I know you don't like labelling and categorising your friends but I'm just calling you my 'Best Friend' just for the sake of this blog/letter. As you know, you are one of my closest friends and that is without a doubt. We have been through so much together in these 3 years in school and the time for you to leave is so close. Words cannot describe how sad I am and how I will miss you in the coming years, but I hope you will find a new happy life in your new school.

 Sorry for brushing you away when we first met, I didn't know that you would be so fun to be with, and it has taught me a lesson to not pre-judge people. I have learnt so many good qualities and lessons from you that I, myself as a person have matured so much throughout these years because of you. Therefore, thank you for that.

  I will never forget the raves we have: the nights when we crammed for our exams the next morning, the jokes we would make on our way to lessons, even though we were 10 minutes late. The fun throw backs to Disney movies and our childhood TV series, laughing and dancing to musicals, there is just too many memories, and these will all be remembered. I promise you, that I will never forget our friendship and your silly laughing face. 

  I want to thank you for being there for me when I have breakdowns. Being the only person who supports me and looks out for me in situations. As you know, I am a very quiet, introverted and preserved person, I don't tend to be the one dominating conversations, I'm not the one who is the out-going and crazy one. Through this, I have been struggling to make friends in school, I would just watch people laugh in groups, talk about their jokes as time goes by. But then, there was you, who would ask me how I was doing, was I okay, and actually cared. You brought this reckless, hopeless girl into a girl now who is a more open to people. Who is going to be there for me after you leave? I won't have a person there for me to talk comfortably with.

  However, I will try my best to maintain our friendship, whether if this means to take a 2 hour train ride to you, or buying a plane ticket to you. I will do it for protecting this precious friendship of ours. I have so many regrets of keeping in contact with people from my old school, that I've just watched them meet new friends, and became afraid to contact them, because they are having a great life without you. I promise that we will watch musicals in London, go eat in every Pret in London, and  I will guarantee that I will give you a birthday present every year.

  Even though I have had times that I was annoyed with you, had times when I was angry with you, had times when I was envious of you becoming close with other people, I kept it silent. Isn't this what you must have in a close relationship? I always forget about the things I was angry about when I think about all the wonderful things we have done together. That is what makes our friendship so memorable and beautiful. And I hope it stays this way :)

  Love you so much and sorry for the cheese in this blog/letter xx

                                                                                                                                   From,
                                                                                                                                  Your Best Friend <3

For our memories hahah :D https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AkmrdX3StRo

Always Being One Step Behind..

  Do you ever have this feeling that no matter how hard you tried, things don't turn out the way it wants to be. No matter how hard I persevere, practise or work, I will always be the shadow of someone else, I will never get to be the one appreciated or congratulated. I always think that if I'm always going to be casted away, if I'm always going to be the one that 'only just participated', then what is the point? What is the point of me working hard?

  It's all because of human's urge to gain recognition, to reassure our insecure selves that we do have something that we are good at. We always enjoy the things that we are good at, because it makes us feel good. Recognition boosts your self-confidence and it means that you are acknowledged. Why play a video game that is not going to help you in life? Because you are good at playing that game, and it makes you feel happy and important. Importance, the opposite feeling of being invisible, the feeling that you are appreciated and acknowledged, and also having attention from other people.

  We get so good at something that we get to the stage where we take pride of it. To the point where other people keeps praising you that you are good at something, so it drives you to think that you are good at it. Therefore, you hate the feeling of failing in that certain hobby, whether it be being good at maths or music. It has become such an important thing in your life, that the feeling of being beaten or shaded will make you feel upset and angry.

  However, there are always people that will be better than us. No matter how hard you try, there will always be that one person that is better than you, and it will annoy you so much. You will get frustrated about why can't you be better than her, you will create this mental competition with that one person that is unnecessary, but you feel like you have to, because the day when you beat he/she, you will feel like you have won. It's the pride and the reluctance to admit that you are worse, because it is the only thing that defines you, and if you admit that you are worse, that means that you are worth nothing.

  Take me for example, I picked up music as a hobby alongside with school and it has developed to the stage where I am at a high level. Music is the only thing that defines me, it is the only thing that I'm remotely good at. However, there is this older girl in my school who is at the same level as me, but just a little bit better. She had the fine technique I didn't have, she had the clean playing style that I didn't possess. Due to the fact that she was older than me, she had all the performing opportunities, all the praises, recognition and love from the teachers, I was always standing in her shade. Sometimes, I would sit next to her in orchestra and listen to the praises and flowery words that teachers would drop on her, and for some reason, my heart will start to ache a bit. I have worked so hard to achieve what I have, but why do I feel discontented, like I've not done enough to prove myself? I will always one step behind her.. 

 Now, I have realised that there will always be someone better than. Whether it be someone who I don't know or someone that is living in the same environment as me. There will always be a higher mountain to climb. I have realised that she will probably have someone that she looks up to and envies, she will also have someone who is better than her, because she is not the best in the world. And so am I, why should we all aim to be the best and drive ourselves to be recognised for our work? Of course being praised and complimented is a good thing, but what is really the most important is to focus on yourself. You get so distracted from the mental competition that you have created that you lose focus on your own progress. Don't compare yourself to other people because it will just waste your time just thinking about it, because as I said, there will always be someone better. Just do your best, give your everything, convey your passion and just focus on yourself and just you. At the end of the day, you, yourself is your biggest commitment. So when you've improved and achieved your goals, give yourself a pat on your back, because you deserve it. :)

Family

  As a typical teenager, we all have our insecurities. We face anxieties and problems in our life, because it’s a learning curve of being independent. Today, my friends gathered around and we did a pass the parcel game, every layer there will be a question that you have to answer.  We never expected that the questions were very hard-hitting and emotional, as it attacks the soft spot of your hearts. It was heart-breaking to hear the stories my friends were telling, showing another side of them that I’ve never seen. They expressed their feelings that were stored in the abyss of their hearts.

  My friend’s parents divorced when she was 12, she was young, a bigger sister of an oblivious younger brother. The emotions she had gone through, the confusion and frustration she must have gone through, covering her brother’s ears whilst their parents were shouting at each other in the other wall. My friend told me that she was hospitalized after her parent’s divorce because she didn’t eat for 2 weeks. The obligation to protect her brother, dealing with the arguments her parents had every day; it was just too much for a 12 year old. Even after a few years, she tells me she’s over the divorce, that she’s fine with it, but I could see the tinge of sadness in her eyes. Nobody deserves this; nobody deserves to see their loved ones tearing apart. I really wanted to help her, but what could I do, I didn’t know what she was going through, nobody could ever understand the divorce she went through that scarred her, because it is only her that could understand.

  My other friend also has been through a similar situation, her parents split up when she was young. Her parents split up because her mother was paranoid that her father was cheating on her, she tells me she remembers every moment of when her father packed his bags out the door. She remembers that she lied to her friends that her parents were really busy and were never in the house, because she didn’t want her friends to know about the split. Her bigger sister, to her seemed that she didn’t care about the whole situation, leaving her alone in a one-man battle. I just wanted to give her the biggest hug in the world to her; she doesn’t deserve this, at all. Now, she sees it as an experience that made her stronger, she started to study after the split instead of being the rebellious girl she was, and now she sees it as a bad memory. Of course, she will be never be able to forget about the split, but at least she knows that her family is not in a bad position now. It brought another side to her, the bright and happy friend I knew, suddenly turned into a vulnerable, weak young girl who didn’t know what to do.

  Our family is the support of our life, our decisions, no matter what the circumstances are, your family is something that you can rely on. Having a broken family like the majority of my friends, it makes the child think they can’t lean on their family members any more, your family is no longer that reliable as they were before, because they have seen the ugly side of you. I am so lucky to have a happy family with no problems, because later on in society, there will always be people out there who are there to catch you and deliberately hurt you, but your family won’t. Therefore, please treasure your family, appreciate the fact that you have a mother and father there to give you advice when you face a barrier in life. Having your parent’s unconditional love is the most precious present you could ever get, so this Christmas, celebrate this. Show your love to your family so they feel they are appreciated and supported, because family is there for you and one another.

A Letter For My Future Self

Dear Future Self,

  Please think of this as a reference, a memory when you look back in your life, a letter you will smile upon. I hope this letter will give you a boost of happiness in the hard times that you are waiting to face.

 Having major dilemmas and experiencing hard times, such as being poor and starting from the bottom of the society, everybody has to experience this at some point in their lives. Use this as a comfort when you are going through hard times, this is the life. Life is unfair, unreasonable, but it is up to you on how you twist this reality to make you content. To be honest, we are never happy with what we have, there are so much possibilities and products in the world to tempt us, no matter how caught up you are with trends, there will always be something new and intriguing out there to catch your eye.

  If you think that this is the worst position you can be in your whole life, you are wrong. Life is full of ups and downs, like a rocky mountain, you will trip and fall, some worse than others; Life is full of  love and farewells, when you say hello, there is always a goodbye. Different people will pass by you, some will stay for a bit longer than others, but eventually, as time proceeds, there will less and less by your side, and the ones who really stay, are the ones who are genuine, so treasure them.

  Another piece of advice is to don't think things so seriously, especially negative comments and hurtful words. They might be spiteful and unpleasant to hear, but don't think much about it. Never mourn over empty, bad words, but use the scars from these words to establish better and stronger relationships. Use it as a tool to make you a better person, think of it as a really nasty bubble gum, you taste it, you chew it and then hate it, you spit it out and then you know to never buy that gum again, you digest the negative words and learn from your mistakes.

 

When you are beaten down, when you are feeling down, just think that you have experienced everything there is, therefore there is nothing to beat me down. You are actually a strong individual, stay strong and fight for yourself, don't let yourself be abused by others, because there is always something in you that makes you special.

  Life is a treacherous mountain but somehow, you get over it. You still have a long way to reach to the top but I'll be waiting for you on the top

  Good Luck and see you at the top..

                                                                                                                                     From,
                                                                                                                                          The Old You

 
 


Here's a song to brighten up your day :)
        https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CVOvhKCYKAc

People Move On

  I returned home for the summer holidays, it was nice to see back my family and friends, returning back to where it all began. I returned back to my old school, nothing really changed, still the same antique, old-fashioned building filled with memories and laughter, I missed wearing the uniform, I just missed, the conversations that I would have with my classmates. In my mind, I had the best years of my studying career here, all those memories kept flashing through my mind. There is something different than the school life I have in the UK.

  I met all my old classmates but, there was a sense of awkwardness, it was like we didn't know each other, we didn't know what to talk about because it has been too long. I sensed the feeling that they were pushing me away. I watched my classmates play together, everything just fitted in, without me. Why do I suddenly feel left out? We were such good friends, now, it's like nothing was even established, I was back to square zero.

  It has been so long, that I don't know what they were up to, I didn't know what was in their mind. It has been so long, that they have forgotten about me and moved on because I am not in their life as often, which I understand. However, it's just really saddening that my relationship with them have fallen into embarrassment and awkwardness, it upsets me that I've lost a friend.

  Do you know the feeling that you have this long lost friend that you've always wanted to contact but you decide not to because they are having the time of lives without you and are doing just fine. It feels like you don't want to disturb their life because you are no longer necessary. I always wondered what would happen if I stayed in my old school, I might still be in good contact with them and make even more memories together, I might still be able to understand their in-jokes and do the things they do now. Seeing my friends posting their daily life activities on the internet makes me want to do it with them, makes me miss them, but I never know if it's the same to them.

  People move on whether if it's with you or without. So do you, there are just some things that you just swiftly forget as time passes because you change and you face new challenges, you meet new people and you forget the old ones. That's just something that human nature does, we get fed up with one thing and move on to the next. I would very much want to maintain my relationship with my friends forever but that's really difficult and hard. Only the real and true ones stay behind, it shows that they care about you, whether or not you've changed or awkward around them.

  Sometimes, memories are the things that we hold dearest, it is a proof of good times with your friends, whether if they have moved on and forgot you or still by your side when you're in hard times, they are just flashbacks of happy events of your life. Time moves on, so do you, but memories don't. So, I'd rather just leave a happy memory of all my friends than actually make an effort to befriend them again because I might not like their new self and it might ruin the 'perfect' memories I have with them.

Goodbyes

 Today, it was my maths teacher's last day in my school. I never really liked my teacher, to be honest, I didn't like his teaching methods, he wasn't my favourite teacher on the list. Today in his goodbye party, he gave each individual a present, as a sign of thank you, he put together a video of all our memories through the past 2 years, and I suddenly realised, I'm going to miss him.

  In his book that he gave me as a present, he wrote some words of wisdom to me, he said that life is a succession of lessons which must be lived to be understood, life itself is the most wonderful fairytale. I don't know when I will meet another inspiring teacher like him ever in my life, his leave suddenly made me emotional and sad. I believe that there are only a few teachers out there who aims to inspire. Even though our lives might not converse in the future, he will still be the most memorable maths teacher I ever had, he made a print on my path of life.

  We were singing along to 'I'm Yours' by Jason Mraz in class because it was his favourite song, the whole class sang it wholeheartedly, making our last encore before his absence, When I was singing along, I noticed my maths teacher quietly standing beside the board shedding a tear, trying so hard to hold back his tears, he looked genuinely sad but he acted strong and sang along. Goodbyes are hard, you never really understand until it's really time, Time flies so fast that when it's really time to say our final words to each other, it feels weird and you just wish that the moment will stay forever.

  Goodbyes are inevitable, but people move on because that's just how we're adapted to be. Some goodbyes are harder than others but through time, we will meet new people and eventually, move on. I will still remember when the other teachers asked my maths teacher, 'What's your class like?', his reply will always be, 'It's the best class I've taught in my whole teaching career' These little compliments and actions he does to make his imprint on me, just makes me miss him more, but soon he will be stored away in my memory box, as a memory that I can look back at when I'm 50 and smile at..

Quiet

I consider myself to be an introvert, I tend to keep things to myself and watch people from the sidelines quietly. I might be sociable in front of my friends but in the majority of the time, I keep my mouth shut. I don't really know why I do this, maybe it's because I know that words can hurt people and I, as a careless person will say the wrong thing at the wrong time, and I can't bear the consequences. However, through time, I've realised that silence is a weapon.

  The more I keep my thoughts to myself, the more it accumulates in my mind, it makes me ponder and wonder, creating hatred and emotions. Even then, I still keep quiet, keeping in my anger and letting these 'feelings' keep bottling up. I have come to the stage where I realise that I don't want people to see my weaknesses because nobody can be trusted. People are scary, they are all beings that do whatever it takes to gain their interests, whether if it's betraying or neglecting you, I've learnt it the hard way. Therefore, all these feelings accumulates until one day it will overload and are in need of disposal, and the only solution is to lock myself into a room and stare into a blank space and cry, it's comforting, like releasing a dagger from your heart.

  As a quiet person, I tend to observe people, I realise people's behaviour and I notice a lot of things, it gives me more insight of life as I unlock the little secrets of human nature. People say I'm anti-social but I'm not, I'm just different, I'm just... quiet...

Alone

  I like being alone, from time to time. I close my eyes and listen to my ballad music, I look around me and observe, the quietness that I'm never used to, the waving trees outside, the pattering rain, and feeling my heart is relaxing. When I'm alone, I think what a long way I have came in life, I start to think deep, and all the burdens of my life would instantly go away and I just want to stay at the moment forever.

  I like the sense that I don't have to please anyone or make the effort to make friends or keep friends or anything. Sometimes, things just becomes too much and I think we all need that alone time to have a reality check, a moment where you can be yourself and find back your old self. I often find myself changing my character to please other people and as time goes by, I start to lose my original character. When I'm alone, my old self comes back because there is no one there to judge what I'm doing.

  When you're alone, you start to think why nobody cares about you after all, after all the things you have done to them, you wonder why you're not the perfect girl that always has this cute boyfriend, you wonder why you're so weird, you get so angry at yourself because you are you. At that point, I always cry, for no apparent reason, just because I just felt like it, crying for the sake that it'll make me feel better about my crappy life. Crying is a way of self-comfort, it shows out weak side that we don't want anyone to see because we are insecure about ourselves, that's why we always cry when we're alone, hiding your feelings from everyone because they will judge for who you are.

  Who are you? When I'm alone, I always search for myself, my real-self. Who am I actually? Am I the girl that is always sociable and hangs out with her friends all the time? Or am I the girl that always wants to hide in her room and go on the internet? I get confused because there are so many sides of myself. I wish that people would accept me for the way I am but at the end of the day, I'm really the only one who can accept my true self. We all have our crazy and lonely sides that we don't want to see.

  When I'm alone, I always look out of my window and look at the sky, those clouds emerging together, the way they move together, I always think that the sky is the prettiest when I'm alone and it makes me realises that I'm only a small creature in the great big world. Upon those clouds is a completely universe that is unknown to us and I realise that I'm one of the billions of people in the world.
 
  Then I figure that I'm not alone, because there must be someone right now, at the same moment, thinking the same thing as me, alone in their rooms and having their alone time. I'm not a loner, I'm not alone. The alone time we have I think is a type of healing, it heals you from all the hurt you get everyday, all the guilt you endure, it releases it out of your chest.

  Being alone saves us from being something we're not, it is a time that allows to do whatever we want because there is no one there to stop us; being alone means that you can rethink your life, decide what you want to do for the rest of it and just let the chips fall into its place; being alone motivates you to do your best and live life the fullest everyday...

Friends

I think we can all agree that we want to be loved by everyone, we want to be the perfect person that everybody looks up to, we want to be 'goals'. When I scroll through my tumblr feed, I see these pretty and tanned girls in a bikini admiring the sunset, instead of feeling a sign of awe, I had a sign of defeat. In reality, we really can't be the perfect person, even the pretty girls in those 'perfect' pictures, there will always be people who find us annoying, and there will always be people who don't favour us. We all have our bad habits.

  That's what friends are for. True and genuine friends will tolerate your bad habits, they're the ones that share the same characteristics, habits and interest as you and those, are the ones that will help you all the way through life and don't hold grudges against you. True friends won't isolate you for someone else, true friends stick up to you no matter what, and trust me, there will only be just a few in your entire life. You don't need a hundred people to care about you because chances are, the majority of them don't care and just want your attention, true friends however do care and thinks about your needs before theirs. In primary school, I used to be friendless because I was different, I was new to the environment and I didn't know anyone, I remember I would cry everyday until a girl approached me one day and asked me if I was okay before anyone else, she did it because she cared, she did it because she noticed and was concerned. The feeling was new and touching, it was like finding light in the big dark world and I can tell you that the girl that became my first friend in life is now my best friend for 7 years.

  Friends are bonded through memorable things, you both have a mutual memory of each other. The small talks you have with them, the DMCs you talk about all night, the memorable school trips you had together. A friend is somebody that can insult your insecurities and you won't feel offended because you know they're joking. Sometimes at night, I wonder what i wake up everyday for, what is something that is worth while for me to get up and sleep at a decent time? Well, friends do, we look forward to school, to trips, to dates because we want to make more memories with your friends, going to school and studying might not be fun but you will find that the best memories you have in life lies in the memories you make at school. A school is a portal for you to make friends so treasure it. I think there is a clear difference between lovers and friends, Lovers are a pair of people who are passionately in love and can tolerate each others flaws; friends are a group of people who respect you for who you are and were there to witness your success since day 1.

It Hurts

  I think whenever people go, they always have this obligation to judge people. You might not know it, but when we first see a person, we subconsciously judge their looks, and instantly figure out the character of the person. That's why when you go to job interviews, you want to look pristine and formal because you want to have a good first impression. However, this judging gets too much.

  At school, all that I ever hear from people is their opinions about others, we do it because we enjoy it, undermining people and pick out the bad things about them. I have to admit, I do too sometimes. To be frank, we all do. As I mentioned over and over, we are eternally interested in ourselves. If we want ourselves to feel better, we tend to speak bad things about other people who you think are worse than you, then you'll feel more confident and superior. Don't you ever think when you speak out an opinion, you suddenly feel so much better? You like picking the negatives in people, the feeling is great and sometimes people get carried away with it...

  I was playing Paranoia with a group of friends, the games was to write down mean questions and put them in a jar, when you receive a question, you have to say the name of the person that is the answer to the question, if the person wants to know what the question was, they have to shout Paranoia. You only have three chances to say Paranoia. To my surprise, the majority of the answers were my name, I didn't know if it was a good thing or a bad thing but I soon found out. I shouted Paranoia to one of the questions and the question was 'Who would you kick out from your friendship group?'. The feeling was strange, the feeling that everything was a lie, everything that I contributed to my 'friends' wasn't appreciated, it was like I just don't belong. I knew it was just a game but sometimes, these comments, it hurts. I couldn't even imagine what I would have felt if the comment was genuine and was spoken to in my face. Even though these mean comments might not be true, people disregard it and take it the wrong way. I remember I was crying so much that night, thinking about all the effort I made to make friends and trying so hard to fit in, those mean comments kept whispering inside my head. I admit, I am a sensitive soul, but who isn't?

 Making these comments is what causes depression in people, because they feel cheated and they have nowhere to turn to. Even though you are saying it behind their backs, the word will spread and the person will find out eventually. Just imagine, if one day the person you despised became your best friends because you found out their true self but then they found out that you were talking behind their backs before, you instantly lose their trust and friendship, isn't that a shame.

  Therefore, you have no right to make a comment on a person unless you know them inside out, if you don't, then that's just a mean rumour. Yes, some people have characteristics that are hateful, but that doesn't mean you have to talk behind their backs, that won't change their character but in fact make it get worse, you're not doing any favours here. Tell the person directly, tell her what's wrong with her attitude in a nice way and they will reflect, try to give them a second chance to prove their true self instead of hurting them.  I think everybody deserves a second opportunity..

  

That Bully

  I’ve come to notice that bullying has become quite common, whether if it’s on the Internet, or physically in school. The proper definition of a bully is someone who uses strength and influence to harm or intimidate those who are weaker. Those people are selfish and they feel good when they bully people, it gives them a sense of power and satisfaction, and it is addicting.

 

  I was really lucky to have not yet had this experience of being bullied but I always feel compassion when I see posts on social media about bullying, I feel it’s very unfair and unjust, it drives people to a corner where there are no options of escape, I cannot dare to think how horrible that feeling is. Even though I’m not somebody in the position to give advice, I still want to put out some points to the victims out there. Don’t be silent about it, silence is like a cancer grows, if you stay silent about it, all those mean comments will keep on bothering your mind and you’ll become really self-conscious and depressed. You don’t necessarily have to tell a physical person, just write it out in your diary or on a blog, something to express your feelings.

  All bullies bully because they have their insecurities, mostly I think is because they want to be cool and be popular, people enjoy attention as I’ve mentioned in my previous post, their insecurity is losing friends and popularity, and mostly attention. If you know an insecurity of the bully that bullies you, pick on that, intimidate them, write a post-it and stick it on their locker, if you’re brave enough, say it in their face. Another way is to make them embarrassed in front of public, crack a joke in front of them and make them look bad. You don’t have to be afraid to speak up because there are no rankings between people, you and them are on the same level, both human beings, it’s just that ones more confident than the other, just because they have more friends to support them doesn’t mean that they are more superior than you. Step up.

  I guarantee you that if you avoid them by changing schools or by any other way, it won’t let the problem resolve. When you go into the new school, you’ll still have this insecurity that people will mock you and you become skeptical of people, unable to show you true self. If you let all those bullies go away, you’re confidence will rise and I bet then you won’t be the weakest person in school.  Don’t give up when you’re down because you have an amazing life upon you and it is not worth it to be worrying over some stupid comments that aren’t even true. Design your own life, and don’t others design it for you…

  And for bullies that are reading this post, pulling down someone doesn’t mean it’ll put you in a higher position, so stop bullying.

Loneliness

 Do you ever have the feeling that you’re invisible, the feeling where you are so helpless and you just let everything pass by in front your eyes? Today, I was walking with my friends to the dining room, but I found myself being isolated, I was watching their conversation, I wasn’t part of it, I stayed silent and helpless without knowing. At the end of the day, the only thing I can do is smile awkwardly. I find myself alone in my room, hearing laughs outside my window, the vacant room makes me feel strange, I’ve noticed that I’m encountering so many people a day that I’ve forgotten the feeling to be alone, and it scares me. I hate being alone, I despise being isolated, I hate to be invisible to people, that’s why when I’m alone, I like to blog, let all my thoughts go through my blog, it’s my escape from my sad reality.

  When I’m alone, I reflect on my actions and life, and the result is that I cry, I have this feeling that I wanted to be locked in a room and never come out. I remember when my House won a competition, everybody was in the common room, celebrating with loud music, but I on the other hand, was crying in my room because I realized I’m a nobody, I hid under my desk and cried and cried, I was reading the email my sister sent to me, she was encouraging me to believe in myself and that I shouldn’t change myself. I remember reading and denying it, saying that everything is turning against me, saying that I’m not ok. I hated the world so much. Loneliness forced me to be my own best friend.

  I envy people who don’t have this problem, it’s not like I don’t make an effort to make friends, it’s just that when I’m always there for people but when I need someone, nobody’s there for me. People are complicated, we pick and choose our friends, if you don’t like one, just shove them away and there is always one that suffers in the end of the day. I think people need to understand that they can’t expect me to always be bright and happy, there are times when I will be quiet, cold and impossible to understand.

  Loneliness can eat away people’s positivity in life so care for everybody around you, so be the good person who reaches out…

  

 Sorry this is more like a rant post but I

 thought that you should know that being alone, is why we are so immersed in the internet, it's a distraction from reality, it makes us forget our sadness, that's why the internet is so powerful. This portal can disguise us and we can live as another person we desire to be. However, this can't last forever, I'm in the process of changing, I'm trying to reach out to people because I don't want to be addicted to being something which is not the real me. So if you're sitting here mourning about your life, get out there and change your life, instead of avoiding the issue by going on the internet. I'm sure you can manage :)