Quiet

I consider myself to be an introvert, I tend to keep things to myself and watch people from the sidelines quietly. I might be sociable in front of my friends but in the majority of the time, I keep my mouth shut. I don't really know why I do this, maybe it's because I know that words can hurt people and I, as a careless person will say the wrong thing at the wrong time, and I can't bear the consequences. However, through time, I've realised that silence is a weapon.

  The more I keep my thoughts to myself, the more it accumulates in my mind, it makes me ponder and wonder, creating hatred and emotions. Even then, I still keep quiet, keeping in my anger and letting these 'feelings' keep bottling up. I have come to the stage where I realise that I don't want people to see my weaknesses because nobody can be trusted. People are scary, they are all beings that do whatever it takes to gain their interests, whether if it's betraying or neglecting you, I've learnt it the hard way. Therefore, all these feelings accumulates until one day it will overload and are in need of disposal, and the only solution is to lock myself into a room and stare into a blank space and cry, it's comforting, like releasing a dagger from your heart.

  As a quiet person, I tend to observe people, I realise people's behaviour and I notice a lot of things, it gives me more insight of life as I unlock the little secrets of human nature. People say I'm anti-social but I'm not, I'm just different, I'm just... quiet...

Loneliness

 Do you ever have the feeling that you’re invisible, the feeling where you are so helpless and you just let everything pass by in front your eyes? Today, I was walking with my friends to the dining room, but I found myself being isolated, I was watching their conversation, I wasn’t part of it, I stayed silent and helpless without knowing. At the end of the day, the only thing I can do is smile awkwardly. I find myself alone in my room, hearing laughs outside my window, the vacant room makes me feel strange, I’ve noticed that I’m encountering so many people a day that I’ve forgotten the feeling to be alone, and it scares me. I hate being alone, I despise being isolated, I hate to be invisible to people, that’s why when I’m alone, I like to blog, let all my thoughts go through my blog, it’s my escape from my sad reality.

  When I’m alone, I reflect on my actions and life, and the result is that I cry, I have this feeling that I wanted to be locked in a room and never come out. I remember when my House won a competition, everybody was in the common room, celebrating with loud music, but I on the other hand, was crying in my room because I realized I’m a nobody, I hid under my desk and cried and cried, I was reading the email my sister sent to me, she was encouraging me to believe in myself and that I shouldn’t change myself. I remember reading and denying it, saying that everything is turning against me, saying that I’m not ok. I hated the world so much. Loneliness forced me to be my own best friend.

  I envy people who don’t have this problem, it’s not like I don’t make an effort to make friends, it’s just that when I’m always there for people but when I need someone, nobody’s there for me. People are complicated, we pick and choose our friends, if you don’t like one, just shove them away and there is always one that suffers in the end of the day. I think people need to understand that they can’t expect me to always be bright and happy, there are times when I will be quiet, cold and impossible to understand.

  Loneliness can eat away people’s positivity in life so care for everybody around you, so be the good person who reaches out…

  

 Sorry this is more like a rant post but I

 thought that you should know that being alone, is why we are so immersed in the internet, it's a distraction from reality, it makes us forget our sadness, that's why the internet is so powerful. This portal can disguise us and we can live as another person we desire to be. However, this can't last forever, I'm in the process of changing, I'm trying to reach out to people because I don't want to be addicted to being something which is not the real me. So if you're sitting here mourning about your life, get out there and change your life, instead of avoiding the issue by going on the internet. I'm sure you can manage :)