Always Being One Step Behind..

  Do you ever have this feeling that no matter how hard you tried, things don't turn out the way it wants to be. No matter how hard I persevere, practise or work, I will always be the shadow of someone else, I will never get to be the one appreciated or congratulated. I always think that if I'm always going to be casted away, if I'm always going to be the one that 'only just participated', then what is the point? What is the point of me working hard?

  It's all because of human's urge to gain recognition, to reassure our insecure selves that we do have something that we are good at. We always enjoy the things that we are good at, because it makes us feel good. Recognition boosts your self-confidence and it means that you are acknowledged. Why play a video game that is not going to help you in life? Because you are good at playing that game, and it makes you feel happy and important. Importance, the opposite feeling of being invisible, the feeling that you are appreciated and acknowledged, and also having attention from other people.

  We get so good at something that we get to the stage where we take pride of it. To the point where other people keeps praising you that you are good at something, so it drives you to think that you are good at it. Therefore, you hate the feeling of failing in that certain hobby, whether it be being good at maths or music. It has become such an important thing in your life, that the feeling of being beaten or shaded will make you feel upset and angry.

  However, there are always people that will be better than us. No matter how hard you try, there will always be that one person that is better than you, and it will annoy you so much. You will get frustrated about why can't you be better than her, you will create this mental competition with that one person that is unnecessary, but you feel like you have to, because the day when you beat he/she, you will feel like you have won. It's the pride and the reluctance to admit that you are worse, because it is the only thing that defines you, and if you admit that you are worse, that means that you are worth nothing.

  Take me for example, I picked up music as a hobby alongside with school and it has developed to the stage where I am at a high level. Music is the only thing that defines me, it is the only thing that I'm remotely good at. However, there is this older girl in my school who is at the same level as me, but just a little bit better. She had the fine technique I didn't have, she had the clean playing style that I didn't possess. Due to the fact that she was older than me, she had all the performing opportunities, all the praises, recognition and love from the teachers, I was always standing in her shade. Sometimes, I would sit next to her in orchestra and listen to the praises and flowery words that teachers would drop on her, and for some reason, my heart will start to ache a bit. I have worked so hard to achieve what I have, but why do I feel discontented, like I've not done enough to prove myself? I will always one step behind her.. 

 Now, I have realised that there will always be someone better than. Whether it be someone who I don't know or someone that is living in the same environment as me. There will always be a higher mountain to climb. I have realised that she will probably have someone that she looks up to and envies, she will also have someone who is better than her, because she is not the best in the world. And so am I, why should we all aim to be the best and drive ourselves to be recognised for our work? Of course being praised and complimented is a good thing, but what is really the most important is to focus on yourself. You get so distracted from the mental competition that you have created that you lose focus on your own progress. Don't compare yourself to other people because it will just waste your time just thinking about it, because as I said, there will always be someone better. Just do your best, give your everything, convey your passion and just focus on yourself and just you. At the end of the day, you, yourself is your biggest commitment. So when you've improved and achieved your goals, give yourself a pat on your back, because you deserve it. :)

It Hurts

  I think whenever people go, they always have this obligation to judge people. You might not know it, but when we first see a person, we subconsciously judge their looks, and instantly figure out the character of the person. That's why when you go to job interviews, you want to look pristine and formal because you want to have a good first impression. However, this judging gets too much.

  At school, all that I ever hear from people is their opinions about others, we do it because we enjoy it, undermining people and pick out the bad things about them. I have to admit, I do too sometimes. To be frank, we all do. As I mentioned over and over, we are eternally interested in ourselves. If we want ourselves to feel better, we tend to speak bad things about other people who you think are worse than you, then you'll feel more confident and superior. Don't you ever think when you speak out an opinion, you suddenly feel so much better? You like picking the negatives in people, the feeling is great and sometimes people get carried away with it...

  I was playing Paranoia with a group of friends, the games was to write down mean questions and put them in a jar, when you receive a question, you have to say the name of the person that is the answer to the question, if the person wants to know what the question was, they have to shout Paranoia. You only have three chances to say Paranoia. To my surprise, the majority of the answers were my name, I didn't know if it was a good thing or a bad thing but I soon found out. I shouted Paranoia to one of the questions and the question was 'Who would you kick out from your friendship group?'. The feeling was strange, the feeling that everything was a lie, everything that I contributed to my 'friends' wasn't appreciated, it was like I just don't belong. I knew it was just a game but sometimes, these comments, it hurts. I couldn't even imagine what I would have felt if the comment was genuine and was spoken to in my face. Even though these mean comments might not be true, people disregard it and take it the wrong way. I remember I was crying so much that night, thinking about all the effort I made to make friends and trying so hard to fit in, those mean comments kept whispering inside my head. I admit, I am a sensitive soul, but who isn't?

 Making these comments is what causes depression in people, because they feel cheated and they have nowhere to turn to. Even though you are saying it behind their backs, the word will spread and the person will find out eventually. Just imagine, if one day the person you despised became your best friends because you found out their true self but then they found out that you were talking behind their backs before, you instantly lose their trust and friendship, isn't that a shame.

  Therefore, you have no right to make a comment on a person unless you know them inside out, if you don't, then that's just a mean rumour. Yes, some people have characteristics that are hateful, but that doesn't mean you have to talk behind their backs, that won't change their character but in fact make it get worse, you're not doing any favours here. Tell the person directly, tell her what's wrong with her attitude in a nice way and they will reflect, try to give them a second chance to prove their true self instead of hurting them.  I think everybody deserves a second opportunity..

  

That Bully

  I’ve come to notice that bullying has become quite common, whether if it’s on the Internet, or physically in school. The proper definition of a bully is someone who uses strength and influence to harm or intimidate those who are weaker. Those people are selfish and they feel good when they bully people, it gives them a sense of power and satisfaction, and it is addicting.

 

  I was really lucky to have not yet had this experience of being bullied but I always feel compassion when I see posts on social media about bullying, I feel it’s very unfair and unjust, it drives people to a corner where there are no options of escape, I cannot dare to think how horrible that feeling is. Even though I’m not somebody in the position to give advice, I still want to put out some points to the victims out there. Don’t be silent about it, silence is like a cancer grows, if you stay silent about it, all those mean comments will keep on bothering your mind and you’ll become really self-conscious and depressed. You don’t necessarily have to tell a physical person, just write it out in your diary or on a blog, something to express your feelings.

  All bullies bully because they have their insecurities, mostly I think is because they want to be cool and be popular, people enjoy attention as I’ve mentioned in my previous post, their insecurity is losing friends and popularity, and mostly attention. If you know an insecurity of the bully that bullies you, pick on that, intimidate them, write a post-it and stick it on their locker, if you’re brave enough, say it in their face. Another way is to make them embarrassed in front of public, crack a joke in front of them and make them look bad. You don’t have to be afraid to speak up because there are no rankings between people, you and them are on the same level, both human beings, it’s just that ones more confident than the other, just because they have more friends to support them doesn’t mean that they are more superior than you. Step up.

  I guarantee you that if you avoid them by changing schools or by any other way, it won’t let the problem resolve. When you go into the new school, you’ll still have this insecurity that people will mock you and you become skeptical of people, unable to show you true self. If you let all those bullies go away, you’re confidence will rise and I bet then you won’t be the weakest person in school.  Don’t give up when you’re down because you have an amazing life upon you and it is not worth it to be worrying over some stupid comments that aren’t even true. Design your own life, and don’t others design it for you…

  And for bullies that are reading this post, pulling down someone doesn’t mean it’ll put you in a higher position, so stop bullying.