Dear Best Friend

Dear Best Friend,

  I know you don't like labelling and categorising your friends but I'm just calling you my 'Best Friend' just for the sake of this blog/letter. As you know, you are one of my closest friends and that is without a doubt. We have been through so much together in these 3 years in school and the time for you to leave is so close. Words cannot describe how sad I am and how I will miss you in the coming years, but I hope you will find a new happy life in your new school.

 Sorry for brushing you away when we first met, I didn't know that you would be so fun to be with, and it has taught me a lesson to not pre-judge people. I have learnt so many good qualities and lessons from you that I, myself as a person have matured so much throughout these years because of you. Therefore, thank you for that.

  I will never forget the raves we have: the nights when we crammed for our exams the next morning, the jokes we would make on our way to lessons, even though we were 10 minutes late. The fun throw backs to Disney movies and our childhood TV series, laughing and dancing to musicals, there is just too many memories, and these will all be remembered. I promise you, that I will never forget our friendship and your silly laughing face. 

  I want to thank you for being there for me when I have breakdowns. Being the only person who supports me and looks out for me in situations. As you know, I am a very quiet, introverted and preserved person, I don't tend to be the one dominating conversations, I'm not the one who is the out-going and crazy one. Through this, I have been struggling to make friends in school, I would just watch people laugh in groups, talk about their jokes as time goes by. But then, there was you, who would ask me how I was doing, was I okay, and actually cared. You brought this reckless, hopeless girl into a girl now who is a more open to people. Who is going to be there for me after you leave? I won't have a person there for me to talk comfortably with.

  However, I will try my best to maintain our friendship, whether if this means to take a 2 hour train ride to you, or buying a plane ticket to you. I will do it for protecting this precious friendship of ours. I have so many regrets of keeping in contact with people from my old school, that I've just watched them meet new friends, and became afraid to contact them, because they are having a great life without you. I promise that we will watch musicals in London, go eat in every Pret in London, and  I will guarantee that I will give you a birthday present every year.

  Even though I have had times that I was annoyed with you, had times when I was angry with you, had times when I was envious of you becoming close with other people, I kept it silent. Isn't this what you must have in a close relationship? I always forget about the things I was angry about when I think about all the wonderful things we have done together. That is what makes our friendship so memorable and beautiful. And I hope it stays this way :)

  Love you so much and sorry for the cheese in this blog/letter xx

                                                                                                                                   From,
                                                                                                                                  Your Best Friend <3

For our memories hahah :D https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AkmrdX3StRo

Always Being One Step Behind..

  Do you ever have this feeling that no matter how hard you tried, things don't turn out the way it wants to be. No matter how hard I persevere, practise or work, I will always be the shadow of someone else, I will never get to be the one appreciated or congratulated. I always think that if I'm always going to be casted away, if I'm always going to be the one that 'only just participated', then what is the point? What is the point of me working hard?

  It's all because of human's urge to gain recognition, to reassure our insecure selves that we do have something that we are good at. We always enjoy the things that we are good at, because it makes us feel good. Recognition boosts your self-confidence and it means that you are acknowledged. Why play a video game that is not going to help you in life? Because you are good at playing that game, and it makes you feel happy and important. Importance, the opposite feeling of being invisible, the feeling that you are appreciated and acknowledged, and also having attention from other people.

  We get so good at something that we get to the stage where we take pride of it. To the point where other people keeps praising you that you are good at something, so it drives you to think that you are good at it. Therefore, you hate the feeling of failing in that certain hobby, whether it be being good at maths or music. It has become such an important thing in your life, that the feeling of being beaten or shaded will make you feel upset and angry.

  However, there are always people that will be better than us. No matter how hard you try, there will always be that one person that is better than you, and it will annoy you so much. You will get frustrated about why can't you be better than her, you will create this mental competition with that one person that is unnecessary, but you feel like you have to, because the day when you beat he/she, you will feel like you have won. It's the pride and the reluctance to admit that you are worse, because it is the only thing that defines you, and if you admit that you are worse, that means that you are worth nothing.

  Take me for example, I picked up music as a hobby alongside with school and it has developed to the stage where I am at a high level. Music is the only thing that defines me, it is the only thing that I'm remotely good at. However, there is this older girl in my school who is at the same level as me, but just a little bit better. She had the fine technique I didn't have, she had the clean playing style that I didn't possess. Due to the fact that she was older than me, she had all the performing opportunities, all the praises, recognition and love from the teachers, I was always standing in her shade. Sometimes, I would sit next to her in orchestra and listen to the praises and flowery words that teachers would drop on her, and for some reason, my heart will start to ache a bit. I have worked so hard to achieve what I have, but why do I feel discontented, like I've not done enough to prove myself? I will always one step behind her.. 

 Now, I have realised that there will always be someone better than. Whether it be someone who I don't know or someone that is living in the same environment as me. There will always be a higher mountain to climb. I have realised that she will probably have someone that she looks up to and envies, she will also have someone who is better than her, because she is not the best in the world. And so am I, why should we all aim to be the best and drive ourselves to be recognised for our work? Of course being praised and complimented is a good thing, but what is really the most important is to focus on yourself. You get so distracted from the mental competition that you have created that you lose focus on your own progress. Don't compare yourself to other people because it will just waste your time just thinking about it, because as I said, there will always be someone better. Just do your best, give your everything, convey your passion and just focus on yourself and just you. At the end of the day, you, yourself is your biggest commitment. So when you've improved and achieved your goals, give yourself a pat on your back, because you deserve it. :)

Procrastination??

  Exams.. the most dreaded event in my school years, very interesting how school arrange these horrible things right after your Christmas break.. What is the purpose? Make us study even when we're supposed to relax? All the distractions, internet, social media are things that distract me from my so called 'revision timetable' Is it because our brains are always attracted to things we like doing??? Why can't I just sit down, do a couple hours of studying and then relax for a bit? Why do I have to look at my phone every second even though nothing is happening? It's frustrating because it's so hard not to do it..

                                        

 Even when I'm studying, I think about how much more I have to do, and how I'm never going to cover all of the syllabus before exams, I freak out, have a mental breakdown, and then back to Facebook.. 2 hours later, I'm still on Facebook, for some reason, forgot that I'm behind and continue until it's time for me to sleep. Why can't I be disciplined? Why is procrastination so powerful.. Our human minds in some situations are never in our favour.

                                          

 I wish.. that I could love studying, I would embrace that everything I learn is to broaden my 'horizon', I wish I could think of school work as fun. But how can you love something when people around you hate it, it influences you to not like it either. The memes on Facebook, the messages of teenagers my age complaining about how school sucks, these all make me think that school is negative. People think school is a chore, but it's really not.. I've thought about this lately, school is actually where you create most of your happy memories and experiences, you learn how to socialise, meet friends, go on school trips, complain about how bad your life is, make fun of teachers... There are actually a lot of good aspects of school. It's not just a place of torture and education, it's actually a place to get a taste of what society is like.

                                         

  If you fail your internal exams at school, it's not the end of the world. It's a good mistake, and you can evaluate what you did wrong and improve your way of revision for the next set of exams. However, you only have a few of these chances before the real public exams come. Public exams are a whole different subject, they matter, they sculpt your future, that is what fears me the most. I haven't done any yet, and the fact that it matters, scares me. When I look back at the previous exams, I regret not doing more work, regret procrastinating. However, when I'm revising now, I'm still doing the same thing. Is it because I'm used to it? Used to not working and suddenly have to start doing it on a daily basis? Why am I so lazy!!!!

                                      

  It is going to be hard not to procrastinate, but I think of it as dieting. Dieting is hard at first, forcing yourself not to eat that bowl of french fries two inches away from you, but after a few weeks of perseverance, you start to get used to it, and that bowl of french fries doesn't appeal that much to you. I think procrastination is a slightly worse version of dieting because it's soooo hardddd!! Therefore, before I pick up my phone, before I decide to scroll on my feed on Facebook, I think twice. Is this going to benefit my future? Is it actually that important to miss out on the world's irrelevant gossip on celebrities? Do I actually care about what the Kardashians are up to? The answer is often no, so I just.. stop.. :P (it's actually not that easy, trust me)

                                        

Family

  As a typical teenager, we all have our insecurities. We face anxieties and problems in our life, because it’s a learning curve of being independent. Today, my friends gathered around and we did a pass the parcel game, every layer there will be a question that you have to answer.  We never expected that the questions were very hard-hitting and emotional, as it attacks the soft spot of your hearts. It was heart-breaking to hear the stories my friends were telling, showing another side of them that I’ve never seen. They expressed their feelings that were stored in the abyss of their hearts.

  My friend’s parents divorced when she was 12, she was young, a bigger sister of an oblivious younger brother. The emotions she had gone through, the confusion and frustration she must have gone through, covering her brother’s ears whilst their parents were shouting at each other in the other wall. My friend told me that she was hospitalized after her parent’s divorce because she didn’t eat for 2 weeks. The obligation to protect her brother, dealing with the arguments her parents had every day; it was just too much for a 12 year old. Even after a few years, she tells me she’s over the divorce, that she’s fine with it, but I could see the tinge of sadness in her eyes. Nobody deserves this; nobody deserves to see their loved ones tearing apart. I really wanted to help her, but what could I do, I didn’t know what she was going through, nobody could ever understand the divorce she went through that scarred her, because it is only her that could understand.

  My other friend also has been through a similar situation, her parents split up when she was young. Her parents split up because her mother was paranoid that her father was cheating on her, she tells me she remembers every moment of when her father packed his bags out the door. She remembers that she lied to her friends that her parents were really busy and were never in the house, because she didn’t want her friends to know about the split. Her bigger sister, to her seemed that she didn’t care about the whole situation, leaving her alone in a one-man battle. I just wanted to give her the biggest hug in the world to her; she doesn’t deserve this, at all. Now, she sees it as an experience that made her stronger, she started to study after the split instead of being the rebellious girl she was, and now she sees it as a bad memory. Of course, she will be never be able to forget about the split, but at least she knows that her family is not in a bad position now. It brought another side to her, the bright and happy friend I knew, suddenly turned into a vulnerable, weak young girl who didn’t know what to do.

  Our family is the support of our life, our decisions, no matter what the circumstances are, your family is something that you can rely on. Having a broken family like the majority of my friends, it makes the child think they can’t lean on their family members any more, your family is no longer that reliable as they were before, because they have seen the ugly side of you. I am so lucky to have a happy family with no problems, because later on in society, there will always be people out there who are there to catch you and deliberately hurt you, but your family won’t. Therefore, please treasure your family, appreciate the fact that you have a mother and father there to give you advice when you face a barrier in life. Having your parent’s unconditional love is the most precious present you could ever get, so this Christmas, celebrate this. Show your love to your family so they feel they are appreciated and supported, because family is there for you and one another.

A Letter For My Future Self

Dear Future Self,

  Please think of this as a reference, a memory when you look back in your life, a letter you will smile upon. I hope this letter will give you a boost of happiness in the hard times that you are waiting to face.

 Having major dilemmas and experiencing hard times, such as being poor and starting from the bottom of the society, everybody has to experience this at some point in their lives. Use this as a comfort when you are going through hard times, this is the life. Life is unfair, unreasonable, but it is up to you on how you twist this reality to make you content. To be honest, we are never happy with what we have, there are so much possibilities and products in the world to tempt us, no matter how caught up you are with trends, there will always be something new and intriguing out there to catch your eye.

  If you think that this is the worst position you can be in your whole life, you are wrong. Life is full of ups and downs, like a rocky mountain, you will trip and fall, some worse than others; Life is full of  love and farewells, when you say hello, there is always a goodbye. Different people will pass by you, some will stay for a bit longer than others, but eventually, as time proceeds, there will less and less by your side, and the ones who really stay, are the ones who are genuine, so treasure them.

  Another piece of advice is to don't think things so seriously, especially negative comments and hurtful words. They might be spiteful and unpleasant to hear, but don't think much about it. Never mourn over empty, bad words, but use the scars from these words to establish better and stronger relationships. Use it as a tool to make you a better person, think of it as a really nasty bubble gum, you taste it, you chew it and then hate it, you spit it out and then you know to never buy that gum again, you digest the negative words and learn from your mistakes.

 

When you are beaten down, when you are feeling down, just think that you have experienced everything there is, therefore there is nothing to beat me down. You are actually a strong individual, stay strong and fight for yourself, don't let yourself be abused by others, because there is always something in you that makes you special.

  Life is a treacherous mountain but somehow, you get over it. You still have a long way to reach to the top but I'll be waiting for you on the top

  Good Luck and see you at the top..

                                                                                                                                     From,
                                                                                                                                          The Old You

 
 


Here's a song to brighten up your day :)
        https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CVOvhKCYKAc

My Life, My Choices

  I feel like society has painted a lot of images as to what is good for a career. As an asian, my parents think that a professional job (e.g. doctors, lawyers and engineers) are jobs that can give you stability and financial security. I am always pressured to fulfil their wishes but I know deep inside, this is not what I want to be.

  It's really sad to see people going to work for the sake of going to work, it might not be something they particularly enjoy but they take the job anyways, because they have wages that they can live by. In a money oriented society, people consider it as a big thing in their career. All people want, is to buy a house that they can comfortably live in and build a family, this all costs money. Therefore, for the sake of earning the money, people go with the job with the higher wage, and don't follow their passion.

  I believe if you follow your passion, you would achieve even further because you enjoy what you're doing, and nothing you do bores you. You would lead to a healthier life that way and be happy. If your passion is saving people from diseases, good for you; if your passion is to be dancer, sign up for auditions, it's never too late, and if you're scared, just think that you have nothing to lose.

  Don't be influenced by your family's wishes and don't be wavered by how your friends are doing, because in the end of the day, it's your choice to make the move. Break out of your comfort zone and confess that you want to be who you are, and not something you're not. You are the designer of your life, nobody designs it for you, it's your individual masterpiece, so don't waste it. As they all say, you only live once, do the things you love before it's too late and it will take you somewhere, somehow, it's funny how events are all linked and happen for a reason. Design a life you love, make your friends and family proud of your achievements, prove to them you are more than what they think.

  Grasp the time you've got and make use of it. Don't just sit there in front of a computer and dream about an ideal life, because you're not making anything happen. Seeing people on the internet gaining success might make you feel really discouraged because you've achieved nothing significant yet but think of it as a goal to look up to.

  Time is valuable so do the things you love and not the things you are reluctant to do, take the risk, no regrets. You have a dream, so make it happen.

 

People Move On

  I returned home for the summer holidays, it was nice to see back my family and friends, returning back to where it all began. I returned back to my old school, nothing really changed, still the same antique, old-fashioned building filled with memories and laughter, I missed wearing the uniform, I just missed, the conversations that I would have with my classmates. In my mind, I had the best years of my studying career here, all those memories kept flashing through my mind. There is something different than the school life I have in the UK.

  I met all my old classmates but, there was a sense of awkwardness, it was like we didn't know each other, we didn't know what to talk about because it has been too long. I sensed the feeling that they were pushing me away. I watched my classmates play together, everything just fitted in, without me. Why do I suddenly feel left out? We were such good friends, now, it's like nothing was even established, I was back to square zero.

  It has been so long, that I don't know what they were up to, I didn't know what was in their mind. It has been so long, that they have forgotten about me and moved on because I am not in their life as often, which I understand. However, it's just really saddening that my relationship with them have fallen into embarrassment and awkwardness, it upsets me that I've lost a friend.

  Do you know the feeling that you have this long lost friend that you've always wanted to contact but you decide not to because they are having the time of lives without you and are doing just fine. It feels like you don't want to disturb their life because you are no longer necessary. I always wondered what would happen if I stayed in my old school, I might still be in good contact with them and make even more memories together, I might still be able to understand their in-jokes and do the things they do now. Seeing my friends posting their daily life activities on the internet makes me want to do it with them, makes me miss them, but I never know if it's the same to them.

  People move on whether if it's with you or without. So do you, there are just some things that you just swiftly forget as time passes because you change and you face new challenges, you meet new people and you forget the old ones. That's just something that human nature does, we get fed up with one thing and move on to the next. I would very much want to maintain my relationship with my friends forever but that's really difficult and hard. Only the real and true ones stay behind, it shows that they care about you, whether or not you've changed or awkward around them.

  Sometimes, memories are the things that we hold dearest, it is a proof of good times with your friends, whether if they have moved on and forgot you or still by your side when you're in hard times, they are just flashbacks of happy events of your life. Time moves on, so do you, but memories don't. So, I'd rather just leave a happy memory of all my friends than actually make an effort to befriend them again because I might not like their new self and it might ruin the 'perfect' memories I have with them.