Alone

  I like being alone, from time to time. I close my eyes and listen to my ballad music, I look around me and observe, the quietness that I'm never used to, the waving trees outside, the pattering rain, and feeling my heart is relaxing. When I'm alone, I think what a long way I have came in life, I start to think deep, and all the burdens of my life would instantly go away and I just want to stay at the moment forever.

  I like the sense that I don't have to please anyone or make the effort to make friends or keep friends or anything. Sometimes, things just becomes too much and I think we all need that alone time to have a reality check, a moment where you can be yourself and find back your old self. I often find myself changing my character to please other people and as time goes by, I start to lose my original character. When I'm alone, my old self comes back because there is no one there to judge what I'm doing.

  When you're alone, you start to think why nobody cares about you after all, after all the things you have done to them, you wonder why you're not the perfect girl that always has this cute boyfriend, you wonder why you're so weird, you get so angry at yourself because you are you. At that point, I always cry, for no apparent reason, just because I just felt like it, crying for the sake that it'll make me feel better about my crappy life. Crying is a way of self-comfort, it shows out weak side that we don't want anyone to see because we are insecure about ourselves, that's why we always cry when we're alone, hiding your feelings from everyone because they will judge for who you are.

  Who are you? When I'm alone, I always search for myself, my real-self. Who am I actually? Am I the girl that is always sociable and hangs out with her friends all the time? Or am I the girl that always wants to hide in her room and go on the internet? I get confused because there are so many sides of myself. I wish that people would accept me for the way I am but at the end of the day, I'm really the only one who can accept my true self. We all have our crazy and lonely sides that we don't want to see.

  When I'm alone, I always look out of my window and look at the sky, those clouds emerging together, the way they move together, I always think that the sky is the prettiest when I'm alone and it makes me realises that I'm only a small creature in the great big world. Upon those clouds is a completely universe that is unknown to us and I realise that I'm one of the billions of people in the world.
 
  Then I figure that I'm not alone, because there must be someone right now, at the same moment, thinking the same thing as me, alone in their rooms and having their alone time. I'm not a loner, I'm not alone. The alone time we have I think is a type of healing, it heals you from all the hurt you get everyday, all the guilt you endure, it releases it out of your chest.

  Being alone saves us from being something we're not, it is a time that allows to do whatever we want because there is no one there to stop us; being alone means that you can rethink your life, decide what you want to do for the rest of it and just let the chips fall into its place; being alone motivates you to do your best and live life the fullest everyday...

A Little Story (Chapter 3)

Chapter 3

  The day has finally come, once a hobby now has become a big thing in my life. What is this feeling in my heart? The feeling of being noticed, to be seen instead of to see, people actually know me for what I do. Video gaming has changed my life, it reset my life and I can now live as a new identity, a girl that by chance is good at video games, not a useless girl who is colour blind.
  I arrived at the arena, I was amazed by the different various types of promotions of the video games, it was like.. heaven, the only thing that makes me happy. I was immersed in the stores and I was interrupted by a man with a pristine suit, he looked proper, not someone I would expect in this kind of event, he wore these bulky black glasses, I wasn't sure about his choice of style.
  'Hi, I'm David Spectar, I'm one of the organisers of today's event. Are you Emily Clarke? One of our guests to compete in the gaming battle onstage today? It's a pleasure to meet you, if you follow me Miss. Clarke.'
  So I did, I walked down the long alley down to the middle of arena, and a lot of people were looking at me, I felt self-conscious, this has never happened in my life and a few moments I will be playing video games in front of a big crowd, I don't know how I'm going to cope.
  I was sent to wait backstage alongside with my 'opponents', I realised that I was the only female amongst the group, it felt strange. I sat quietly at the corner, observing the other people in the room, they were all very anti-social, but I guest I'm anti-social as well, they all had their gadgets, holding their PS3s, they all looked really professional.
  In the midst of these thoughts, someone poked my back, I turned around and saw.. a coloured boy, he had black nike shoes, blue jeans and a grey t-shirt, all these colours evaded my mind, he must be one of my stimulants to improve my vision, I was loss for words, I looked at him with wide eyes, he had a well-structured face, beautiful cheekbones, dreamy blue eyes and brown hair, his eyes squinted when he smiled, he had this charismatic look, like a charm.
  'Hey, I'm Aaron, so you're the legendary player that made it up the leader board within a month, how did you do it? I can't believe it, it took me at least half a year to accomplish that. What's your name?'
  My heart fluttered, what is this feeling? I don't understand, why is my heart beating so fast? A heat flushed to my cheeks, I didn't know what to say, but these words came out of my mouth
  'I'm Emily Clarke, and... it's none of your business.'
  WHY DID I SAY SUCH THING! Is my body resisting to him? Why am I acting so cold all of the sudden? I haven't talked to a boy since.. Forever. I saw his smile fade, I saw his dreamy blue eyes lose its sparkle, I felt terrible and at that exact moment, I was called on stage, I looked back and saw him waiting to go on stage, he waved at me and mouthed the words Good Luck, I didn't know what to do, so I idiotically ignored him, well done Emily.
  Maybe this wasn't meant to be, maybe I'm acting like this because I shouldn't be attracted to him, I don't want him to know about my insecurity, I'm a hot mess and I don't want him to be dragged into this. However, what is this bad feeling I'm experiencing? Somehow, my gut tells me something is going to happen.
  Ignoring all my thoughts, I walked on stage faced by the cheer of a thousand people.


Aaron's POV
  Video gaming is a small part of my life, I like to hang out with my friends at school, I get the occasional love letter and gifts from a lot of 'fangirls', I enjoy attention, it makes me more occupied. Recently, one of my best friends proposed her love to me and I rejected her. I'm not interested in relationships, I'm waiting for the right girl for me, like the girl I met in prep school, I still couldn't forget her, I don't know why she never came back to school after she was hospitalised, I missed her.

  I was invited to become on of the competitors in the battle in the Annual Video Gaming Festivals. When I walked in the backstage, I saw this girl with long silky brown hair, she wore ordinary dull clothes, but there was a sense of secrecy that compelled me to her, like a sense of connection, I couldn't resist her. I figured she was the famous gamer that was mentioned in all the inner gossips in the gaming world, people describe her as cool and beautiful with style, I was obliged to see her face. I poked her shoulder and she turned around and I saw the most beautiful girl I've ever encountered, she had this kind of sad face, like she has this insecurity inside her that she doesn't anyone to know, her big blue  eyes pleaded with hope and potential, her lips were rouged and looked like they haven't smiled for a long time. Despite all the depressing features that I could sense, her face was telling a story, it intrigued me, how come such a beautiful person could have a hard life?  I wanted to know her.

  Then it hit me, she resembled to the girl I met in prep school, Emily

  *Follow to read further chapters, will update soon*

*Thank you for reading! This is also on wattpad if it's better to read that way
http://www.wattpad.com/myworks/43085217-colours 

A Little Story (Chapter 2)

Chapter 2)

  The feeling of seeing colour was extraordinary, it was like a sheer light coming into an abandoned dark room after a long time, it made me think that I can reset my life once and for all. That day, I bought a video game, it was weird because only the game was coloured, everything else was still black and white but at least it gave me something to look forward to, once I find all the stimulants in my life, then I will fully recover from my blindness. For once in my life, I could believe in myself and have faith.

 I returned home finding my mother sulking on the coach, I took a deep breath and stood in front of her, I held back my tears, I wish I could see her in colour, I wish she was one of my stimulants, but the odds are never in my favour. 'Ok mum, I'll go to college for you.' these simple words came out of my mouth and seeing my mother's face lit up for so long, I felt like I've finally made her happy, my mother hugged me tight and I could feel her warm tears soaking into my clothes, I slowly hid the video game I hid, I didn't want to give her false hope, this might never work but I'm willing to give it a shot.

  That night, I was playing the video game on my computer, it was thrilling, the adrenaline rushing through me, I have never felt so invincible in my life, it was an escape from my sad reality. When I'm playing video games, I am not just seeing black and white, it makes me happy for once in life. I was quickly addicted to it, overnight, I've already reached the highest levels, after a week, I was on the international leader board, I hardly slept but it was worth doing because it made me have a purpose. After 2 weeks of non-stop gaming, I was up at the top of the leader board, I was alone in my room but I wasn't in the video game, nobody in the game knows I'm colour blind, I was a new me.

  Video gaming became a huge part of my life, my mother never asked why I like gaming because she knows that I must have my means. After a few months, I was playing different sorts of games and I never got bored, I topped all of the rankings, the satisfaction when you complete a level, the pride you feel when you see your username on the board, I was addicted in a happy way, we are never addicted to something we don't like. However, the happy times will always come to an end, my mother one day came into my room holding a uniform,'you made a promise.' she said with a serious face, I knew the time had to come, I will have to start school in the next few weeks, back to reality. My mother also dropped a letter on my desk, 'This came in the post' she said, it was the first letter I've received in my life, it was probably an advertisement. Holding low hopes, I opened it but to find an invitation for me to attend a video game festival in London as a professional game player on stage, I was shocked, words could not describe what I felt. I was seen by someone for the first time rather than to see, people are noticing me, I'm finally not a nobody, this might just be my breakout in my life.

  *Please follow to see the continuing chapters, will update soon*

A Little Story

Chapter 1)

  Mum is always telling me to go to bed every night but I don't want to. Not when I don't have a reason to wake up, I will sleep at a decent time when I know there is something worth waking up for. My life is crumbling, it has become uninteresting, there's nothing I can look forward to. My mum always say that I have potential in being great but as I've grown up I've realised she was saying that to make me feel better. I still remember the day when I saw the colours in my eyes fading, seeing my classmate's uniform's colour fade, my sudden confusion, I couldn't comprehend what was happening, everything around me was slowly fading into 2 simple colours: black and white. I don't what happened next but the next thing I saw was the tears of my mother, sitting next to the hospital bed with her sorrowful look, I was only 5 and didn't know what to do but one thing was for sure, my heart was aching. From then on, I've become more aware that I'm colour blind, the doctor told me that my case is different and that I needed some stimulant to recover but he didn't know what, basically letting me accept the fact I will forever be colourblind.

  Life after that was so different, I couldn't go to school because I was so negative and hated being underestimated. I did try to go to school but all I could hear was, 'So she's the colour blind girl.', I hate being labelled, I hate being different, I hate being myself. I have lost interest in food because I couldn't see the colours, I have lost interest in movies and the media because all I could see is black and white. For the past 12 years, I've been living without purpose, I'm living not for my sake but for my mother, she was the only one that didn't give up on me and I don't want to let her down, she is the world to me, the only thing that I hold dearly. All the time, I feel angry with myself because I am who I am, a useless colourblind teenager who has no hope in life. I feel angry because I can do nothing about it and I feel angry because I see my poor mother suffer everyday because of me. I shouldn't be living, I'm an outlier. I'm constantly alone in this great big world and I hate it.

  I woke up today just as usual, grieving about my life and how messed up it is, eating my mother's breakfast and telling her to go away but today, my mother sat down in front of me, looked me into her tired, concerned eyes and said, 'Emily, you're almost 17, we need to start thinking about college and university, you can't hide away from reality.' It hits me, the cruel reality. I didn't want to hear what she wanted say, because it would just make me aggravated and I don't want my mother to be hurt, I ran out the front door and into the unknown world that I haven't discovered, I couldn't handle it, going back to school is just too much to deal with, I just want to be forever immersed in my own world.

   I was roaming the streets crying like an idiot, bearing the strange stares from the pedestrians. I sat on a bench and calmed myself down, but what astounded me was the glimpse of vivid green, I turned around and saw a store displaying a promotion on video games. However, what surprised me was, that the boxes of games were all in colour, right in front of my colour blind eyes, they were the first coloured objects I have seen for the past 12 years, was this a blessing from heaven? All I could see was the sparkling colourful video games that brightened. I have found the stimulant in my life, video games, it sounds ridiculous but I think I've found a purpose in my dull life, my heart was beating fast and I couldn't wait to see what this would lead to my life. For the first time in my life, I was excited to be living.

  *follow if you want to know how the story continues, will be posting another chapter soon*

*Thank you for reading! This is also on wattpad if it's better to read that way
http://www.wattpad.com/myworks/43085217-colours 

Friends

I think we can all agree that we want to be loved by everyone, we want to be the perfect person that everybody looks up to, we want to be 'goals'. When I scroll through my tumblr feed, I see these pretty and tanned girls in a bikini admiring the sunset, instead of feeling a sign of awe, I had a sign of defeat. In reality, we really can't be the perfect person, even the pretty girls in those 'perfect' pictures, there will always be people who find us annoying, and there will always be people who don't favour us. We all have our bad habits.

  That's what friends are for. True and genuine friends will tolerate your bad habits, they're the ones that share the same characteristics, habits and interest as you and those, are the ones that will help you all the way through life and don't hold grudges against you. True friends won't isolate you for someone else, true friends stick up to you no matter what, and trust me, there will only be just a few in your entire life. You don't need a hundred people to care about you because chances are, the majority of them don't care and just want your attention, true friends however do care and thinks about your needs before theirs. In primary school, I used to be friendless because I was different, I was new to the environment and I didn't know anyone, I remember I would cry everyday until a girl approached me one day and asked me if I was okay before anyone else, she did it because she cared, she did it because she noticed and was concerned. The feeling was new and touching, it was like finding light in the big dark world and I can tell you that the girl that became my first friend in life is now my best friend for 7 years.

  Friends are bonded through memorable things, you both have a mutual memory of each other. The small talks you have with them, the DMCs you talk about all night, the memorable school trips you had together. A friend is somebody that can insult your insecurities and you won't feel offended because you know they're joking. Sometimes at night, I wonder what i wake up everyday for, what is something that is worth while for me to get up and sleep at a decent time? Well, friends do, we look forward to school, to trips, to dates because we want to make more memories with your friends, going to school and studying might not be fun but you will find that the best memories you have in life lies in the memories you make at school. A school is a portal for you to make friends so treasure it. I think there is a clear difference between lovers and friends, Lovers are a pair of people who are passionately in love and can tolerate each others flaws; friends are a group of people who respect you for who you are and were there to witness your success since day 1.

It Hurts

  I think whenever people go, they always have this obligation to judge people. You might not know it, but when we first see a person, we subconsciously judge their looks, and instantly figure out the character of the person. That's why when you go to job interviews, you want to look pristine and formal because you want to have a good first impression. However, this judging gets too much.

  At school, all that I ever hear from people is their opinions about others, we do it because we enjoy it, undermining people and pick out the bad things about them. I have to admit, I do too sometimes. To be frank, we all do. As I mentioned over and over, we are eternally interested in ourselves. If we want ourselves to feel better, we tend to speak bad things about other people who you think are worse than you, then you'll feel more confident and superior. Don't you ever think when you speak out an opinion, you suddenly feel so much better? You like picking the negatives in people, the feeling is great and sometimes people get carried away with it...

  I was playing Paranoia with a group of friends, the games was to write down mean questions and put them in a jar, when you receive a question, you have to say the name of the person that is the answer to the question, if the person wants to know what the question was, they have to shout Paranoia. You only have three chances to say Paranoia. To my surprise, the majority of the answers were my name, I didn't know if it was a good thing or a bad thing but I soon found out. I shouted Paranoia to one of the questions and the question was 'Who would you kick out from your friendship group?'. The feeling was strange, the feeling that everything was a lie, everything that I contributed to my 'friends' wasn't appreciated, it was like I just don't belong. I knew it was just a game but sometimes, these comments, it hurts. I couldn't even imagine what I would have felt if the comment was genuine and was spoken to in my face. Even though these mean comments might not be true, people disregard it and take it the wrong way. I remember I was crying so much that night, thinking about all the effort I made to make friends and trying so hard to fit in, those mean comments kept whispering inside my head. I admit, I am a sensitive soul, but who isn't?

 Making these comments is what causes depression in people, because they feel cheated and they have nowhere to turn to. Even though you are saying it behind their backs, the word will spread and the person will find out eventually. Just imagine, if one day the person you despised became your best friends because you found out their true self but then they found out that you were talking behind their backs before, you instantly lose their trust and friendship, isn't that a shame.

  Therefore, you have no right to make a comment on a person unless you know them inside out, if you don't, then that's just a mean rumour. Yes, some people have characteristics that are hateful, but that doesn't mean you have to talk behind their backs, that won't change their character but in fact make it get worse, you're not doing any favours here. Tell the person directly, tell her what's wrong with her attitude in a nice way and they will reflect, try to give them a second chance to prove their true self instead of hurting them.  I think everybody deserves a second opportunity..

  

That Bully

  I’ve come to notice that bullying has become quite common, whether if it’s on the Internet, or physically in school. The proper definition of a bully is someone who uses strength and influence to harm or intimidate those who are weaker. Those people are selfish and they feel good when they bully people, it gives them a sense of power and satisfaction, and it is addicting.

 

  I was really lucky to have not yet had this experience of being bullied but I always feel compassion when I see posts on social media about bullying, I feel it’s very unfair and unjust, it drives people to a corner where there are no options of escape, I cannot dare to think how horrible that feeling is. Even though I’m not somebody in the position to give advice, I still want to put out some points to the victims out there. Don’t be silent about it, silence is like a cancer grows, if you stay silent about it, all those mean comments will keep on bothering your mind and you’ll become really self-conscious and depressed. You don’t necessarily have to tell a physical person, just write it out in your diary or on a blog, something to express your feelings.

  All bullies bully because they have their insecurities, mostly I think is because they want to be cool and be popular, people enjoy attention as I’ve mentioned in my previous post, their insecurity is losing friends and popularity, and mostly attention. If you know an insecurity of the bully that bullies you, pick on that, intimidate them, write a post-it and stick it on their locker, if you’re brave enough, say it in their face. Another way is to make them embarrassed in front of public, crack a joke in front of them and make them look bad. You don’t have to be afraid to speak up because there are no rankings between people, you and them are on the same level, both human beings, it’s just that ones more confident than the other, just because they have more friends to support them doesn’t mean that they are more superior than you. Step up.

  I guarantee you that if you avoid them by changing schools or by any other way, it won’t let the problem resolve. When you go into the new school, you’ll still have this insecurity that people will mock you and you become skeptical of people, unable to show you true self. If you let all those bullies go away, you’re confidence will rise and I bet then you won’t be the weakest person in school.  Don’t give up when you’re down because you have an amazing life upon you and it is not worth it to be worrying over some stupid comments that aren’t even true. Design your own life, and don’t others design it for you…

  And for bullies that are reading this post, pulling down someone doesn’t mean it’ll put you in a higher position, so stop bullying.

Loneliness

 Do you ever have the feeling that you’re invisible, the feeling where you are so helpless and you just let everything pass by in front your eyes? Today, I was walking with my friends to the dining room, but I found myself being isolated, I was watching their conversation, I wasn’t part of it, I stayed silent and helpless without knowing. At the end of the day, the only thing I can do is smile awkwardly. I find myself alone in my room, hearing laughs outside my window, the vacant room makes me feel strange, I’ve noticed that I’m encountering so many people a day that I’ve forgotten the feeling to be alone, and it scares me. I hate being alone, I despise being isolated, I hate to be invisible to people, that’s why when I’m alone, I like to blog, let all my thoughts go through my blog, it’s my escape from my sad reality.

  When I’m alone, I reflect on my actions and life, and the result is that I cry, I have this feeling that I wanted to be locked in a room and never come out. I remember when my House won a competition, everybody was in the common room, celebrating with loud music, but I on the other hand, was crying in my room because I realized I’m a nobody, I hid under my desk and cried and cried, I was reading the email my sister sent to me, she was encouraging me to believe in myself and that I shouldn’t change myself. I remember reading and denying it, saying that everything is turning against me, saying that I’m not ok. I hated the world so much. Loneliness forced me to be my own best friend.

  I envy people who don’t have this problem, it’s not like I don’t make an effort to make friends, it’s just that when I’m always there for people but when I need someone, nobody’s there for me. People are complicated, we pick and choose our friends, if you don’t like one, just shove them away and there is always one that suffers in the end of the day. I think people need to understand that they can’t expect me to always be bright and happy, there are times when I will be quiet, cold and impossible to understand.

  Loneliness can eat away people’s positivity in life so care for everybody around you, so be the good person who reaches out…

  

 Sorry this is more like a rant post but I

 thought that you should know that being alone, is why we are so immersed in the internet, it's a distraction from reality, it makes us forget our sadness, that's why the internet is so powerful. This portal can disguise us and we can live as another person we desire to be. However, this can't last forever, I'm in the process of changing, I'm trying to reach out to people because I don't want to be addicted to being something which is not the real me. So if you're sitting here mourning about your life, get out there and change your life, instead of avoiding the issue by going on the internet. I'm sure you can manage :)

The First Phone Call From Heaven

 I've recently read the book called 'The First Phone Call From Heaven' by Mitch Albom. I just wanted to review on this book, my thoughts on the message the book delivers. (Apologies to the ones who haven't read it) I have to admit, it's not one of Mitch Albom's best books (strongly recommend 'The Time Keeper')

 The whole book illustrates a story about a small area in America called Cold Waters and it all started with a normal woman called Tess who received a phone call from her dead mother, and the story proceeds when we find out that there are other people who have also received these phone calls. However, the protagonist Sully is determined to decode this mystery because he doesn't believe in this 'madness' because he too had scars from his dead wife who was killed because of him. 

 The message from this book is that faith is a very dangerous thing, we may believe in something that is completely false, in terms called 'false hopes'. The phone calls in this book are a sacred false hope to the people, a proof that heaven exists, and people go mad about it. The story actually progresses to the point where people go mental and do whatever they can to receive the phone call from heaven, proving that religion can manipulate our minds and persuade us to do anything. Personally, I think these false hopes should be stayed as it is, even though they might all be nonexistent, it gives believers a purpose to live, something they can hold on to, so it's better to let them be. Because the truth is cruel, it breaks the circle you have created after years of believing. We can see this in the book, the truth can crush people, like they have lost their sense of being, like believing into a lie. I also think these false hopes can create fantasies for people to escape for reality, when the characters from the book first heard from their dead relatives, they were in shock, emotional, relieved; they were relieved that their dead relatives are safe, they were emotional because they missed them so dearly, they were in shock because they were speechless about this miracle. Believing in heaven is what heals us on earth..

 I have false hopes as well, I believe that there is a world in the other side of the parallel universe where life wasn't complicated, where I will have no worries, where I will be loved and not be forgotten. But of course, it's just a dream that I hold on to, the ideal life I hope for, though it might just be a dream, it gives me a target and imagination. I think everyone is allowed to have a belief and a dream, everyone deserves an imaginary portal to let out their feelings and dreams through.

 I hope you've enjoyed this post, please support and leave a comment about your dreamland :)

  

Be Thankful

 I've just realised that Mother's Day just went by. Mother's Day was never really celebrated in my house but this year, I've decided to show my appreciation.

 I always think that we take things for granted, even though majority of the time we say 'thank you', we don't genuinely mean it most of the time. I also think that we never are aware about how much our parents have sacrificed for us, I've only just recognised this when I came to England, when I was homesick and missing the support my parent's gave me. Even when you're parents might be really busy and never see you, doesn't mean they don't love you, they just express it in a different way. This applies to divorced families, although your parents might be separated, and you might feel betrayed and depressed, that doesn't mean that they don't feel guilty and love you less. Just look around you, your bed, the meals you have everyday, the education you get, are all sacrifices from your parents. We  never are aware of this because you think it's just a life necessity. You're lucky because you have technology, you have a computer to read this blog, trust me, there are so many people out there that don't have an education, a warm home to live in globally. You don't know how privileged you are. Your parents could spend their money on their own luxury and pleasure, but instead, they spent it on you because they want you to live a good life.

 Be grateful to your friends because they are the ones that will support and understand you all the time, they are the people that you can have fun with and let me tell you that not everyone can have this sheer joy. There are millions of people out there who are stuck in life due to bullying and depression, they have no friends and nobody to talk to yet nobody is laying a helping hand because they are afraid. So, cherish those moments when you have a sleepover with your friends because when you come out into the great big world, it's really hard to make friends because it's a competitive environment and nobody and trust each other.

 Therefore, if you're thinking that you have no friends or feeling unloved, think about all the countless things you're parents has done for you (might be one of your memorable birthday parties they organised) and think about all the fun and memories you made with your friends, these make you realise that you are not alone. So tonight when you go to bed, give a hug to your parents and thank them for what they've done for you, call up your long lost best friend and talk about your memories, I'm sure these things will lighten up your day once you count the little happy things that happened to you.

 Thank you for reading this :) Leave a comment about your worries and create a discussion, let's all help and support each other💗

For All That Are Struggling With Friendships

  Friends are not easy to make, it takes time, commitment, coincidences to establish. Sometimes, I always think that it's better to have a few best friends who you can really rely on instead of having hundreds of friends, this is my advice to people out there who think they don't have enough friends and are not popular enough, you don't need popularity in your life, you need genuine friendships.
  For people out there who are struggling to make friends at school, at work or wherever. This is the blogpost for you. I came to England not knowing anybody, unknown to the culture, and I have to admit, I was in culture shock when I first arrived and it took time for me to fit in. I was fine with socialising and I made some friends at the start but I started to lose contact with them because I was tired out by the work I had to do and I didn't have the time to socialise. Biggest mistake I've ever made. During the time of me engrossed into my work, my 'friends' have moved on and created friendship groups naturally. So, I was back to square one again and it took so long and so much effort to make friends again. The period of loneliness lasted a while, I've experienced depression, I was crying everyday because I hated the feeling of being an outcast, isolated and friendless. I kept bottling up my feelings and dealt with my own problems, I was stuck in a position where I'm unable to join any friendship groups because I was one step late.
  The main problem I made was that I didn't take the initiative, take the initiative to create conversation with your biology partner, you might find you have quite a lot common interests. Always bring up topics like tv series, viral videos, celebrities, something that everyone has interest in. If you feel you need to change yourself to make friends, don't, you need to embrace your weirdness because everyone is different and if they despise for that, then they're not worthy to be your friend anyway, they're so many people out there that understand and have the same character as you, you're not alone. Also, you have a long path ahead so aim far and ignore the little pebbles that stop you on the way, they're just another test to make you stronger. Now when I look back to the diaries I wrote during the time of my depression, I felt like I was exaggerating and over reacting to the situation. Sometimes at desperate situations, we tend to be emotional, so try to calm yourself down and think of solutions to make the situation better. This goes to making friends, getting into an argument with a friend, any kind of situation.
  I hope you have found this useful through from what I've learnt in past experiences and hopefully opened up your mind and remember that friends take time to establish and that time will heal everything as long as you make the effort to take the first step

Never Regret

  We can all agree that our time on in life is limited. The cycle of life starts from your birth, your growth to adulthood, ageing and death. It's a fact, at some point in your life, you will die, you will lose your consciousness and dive into a long, long sleep.
  Therefore, it's seems fairly sensible to enjoy life and treasure your youth. I believe that events in life, timing is crucial. If you have a goal or a dream you want to achieve, for example going skydiving, it will be better to do it in your early adulthood. The message is, don't hesitate to follow your passion and dream, because when the time is gone, there's no turning back and you'll regret it. My mother is the perfect example, in her younger years, she dreamt of being a dancer and a singer, but because she was obligated to go to university and work behind a desk to support her family, she lost her chance and instead used her time earning money in a job she doesn't enjoy all her life. Until now, she is able to enjoy her life fully after her retirement but the sad reality is, she will never be able to achieve her childhood dream because she wasted it. If you're passionate about business, do it, don't hesitate even though your parents might object, ignore them and overcome those hurdles. I always think that if you're doing a job you're passionate about, you won't feel bored and do a great job naturally because you're interested in it. Take my sister as an example, she was academic at school but she was passionate in drawing and animation, she decided to go with her instincts and applied to an art school without my mother knowing, risking it to follow her dreams. Now, she is in the top of her year and receiving amazing internships in different various big companies, she followed her dream and is now doing really well though the journey was hard.
  I hope the stories I have told you have inspired you. I have to admit, even I have troubles in confronting my dreams and chasing them because it takes courage and time but I will always remember this quote 'Remember, life is better to burn out than to die away' and I will instantly feel motivated. Let's all work hard together to fight for our dreams, and don't have regrets in our lives until the very last moment. Good Luck <3