Family

  As a typical teenager, we all have our insecurities. We face anxieties and problems in our life, because it’s a learning curve of being independent. Today, my friends gathered around and we did a pass the parcel game, every layer there will be a question that you have to answer.  We never expected that the questions were very hard-hitting and emotional, as it attacks the soft spot of your hearts. It was heart-breaking to hear the stories my friends were telling, showing another side of them that I’ve never seen. They expressed their feelings that were stored in the abyss of their hearts.

  My friend’s parents divorced when she was 12, she was young, a bigger sister of an oblivious younger brother. The emotions she had gone through, the confusion and frustration she must have gone through, covering her brother’s ears whilst their parents were shouting at each other in the other wall. My friend told me that she was hospitalized after her parent’s divorce because she didn’t eat for 2 weeks. The obligation to protect her brother, dealing with the arguments her parents had every day; it was just too much for a 12 year old. Even after a few years, she tells me she’s over the divorce, that she’s fine with it, but I could see the tinge of sadness in her eyes. Nobody deserves this; nobody deserves to see their loved ones tearing apart. I really wanted to help her, but what could I do, I didn’t know what she was going through, nobody could ever understand the divorce she went through that scarred her, because it is only her that could understand.

  My other friend also has been through a similar situation, her parents split up when she was young. Her parents split up because her mother was paranoid that her father was cheating on her, she tells me she remembers every moment of when her father packed his bags out the door. She remembers that she lied to her friends that her parents were really busy and were never in the house, because she didn’t want her friends to know about the split. Her bigger sister, to her seemed that she didn’t care about the whole situation, leaving her alone in a one-man battle. I just wanted to give her the biggest hug in the world to her; she doesn’t deserve this, at all. Now, she sees it as an experience that made her stronger, she started to study after the split instead of being the rebellious girl she was, and now she sees it as a bad memory. Of course, she will be never be able to forget about the split, but at least she knows that her family is not in a bad position now. It brought another side to her, the bright and happy friend I knew, suddenly turned into a vulnerable, weak young girl who didn’t know what to do.

  Our family is the support of our life, our decisions, no matter what the circumstances are, your family is something that you can rely on. Having a broken family like the majority of my friends, it makes the child think they can’t lean on their family members any more, your family is no longer that reliable as they were before, because they have seen the ugly side of you. I am so lucky to have a happy family with no problems, because later on in society, there will always be people out there who are there to catch you and deliberately hurt you, but your family won’t. Therefore, please treasure your family, appreciate the fact that you have a mother and father there to give you advice when you face a barrier in life. Having your parent’s unconditional love is the most precious present you could ever get, so this Christmas, celebrate this. Show your love to your family so they feel they are appreciated and supported, because family is there for you and one another.

A Letter For My Future Self

Dear Future Self,

  Please think of this as a reference, a memory when you look back in your life, a letter you will smile upon. I hope this letter will give you a boost of happiness in the hard times that you are waiting to face.

 Having major dilemmas and experiencing hard times, such as being poor and starting from the bottom of the society, everybody has to experience this at some point in their lives. Use this as a comfort when you are going through hard times, this is the life. Life is unfair, unreasonable, but it is up to you on how you twist this reality to make you content. To be honest, we are never happy with what we have, there are so much possibilities and products in the world to tempt us, no matter how caught up you are with trends, there will always be something new and intriguing out there to catch your eye.

  If you think that this is the worst position you can be in your whole life, you are wrong. Life is full of ups and downs, like a rocky mountain, you will trip and fall, some worse than others; Life is full of  love and farewells, when you say hello, there is always a goodbye. Different people will pass by you, some will stay for a bit longer than others, but eventually, as time proceeds, there will less and less by your side, and the ones who really stay, are the ones who are genuine, so treasure them.

  Another piece of advice is to don't think things so seriously, especially negative comments and hurtful words. They might be spiteful and unpleasant to hear, but don't think much about it. Never mourn over empty, bad words, but use the scars from these words to establish better and stronger relationships. Use it as a tool to make you a better person, think of it as a really nasty bubble gum, you taste it, you chew it and then hate it, you spit it out and then you know to never buy that gum again, you digest the negative words and learn from your mistakes.

 

When you are beaten down, when you are feeling down, just think that you have experienced everything there is, therefore there is nothing to beat me down. You are actually a strong individual, stay strong and fight for yourself, don't let yourself be abused by others, because there is always something in you that makes you special.

  Life is a treacherous mountain but somehow, you get over it. You still have a long way to reach to the top but I'll be waiting for you on the top

  Good Luck and see you at the top..

                                                                                                                                     From,
                                                                                                                                          The Old You

 
 


Here's a song to brighten up your day :)
        https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CVOvhKCYKAc

My Life, My Choices

  I feel like society has painted a lot of images as to what is good for a career. As an asian, my parents think that a professional job (e.g. doctors, lawyers and engineers) are jobs that can give you stability and financial security. I am always pressured to fulfil their wishes but I know deep inside, this is not what I want to be.

  It's really sad to see people going to work for the sake of going to work, it might not be something they particularly enjoy but they take the job anyways, because they have wages that they can live by. In a money oriented society, people consider it as a big thing in their career. All people want, is to buy a house that they can comfortably live in and build a family, this all costs money. Therefore, for the sake of earning the money, people go with the job with the higher wage, and don't follow their passion.

  I believe if you follow your passion, you would achieve even further because you enjoy what you're doing, and nothing you do bores you. You would lead to a healthier life that way and be happy. If your passion is saving people from diseases, good for you; if your passion is to be dancer, sign up for auditions, it's never too late, and if you're scared, just think that you have nothing to lose.

  Don't be influenced by your family's wishes and don't be wavered by how your friends are doing, because in the end of the day, it's your choice to make the move. Break out of your comfort zone and confess that you want to be who you are, and not something you're not. You are the designer of your life, nobody designs it for you, it's your individual masterpiece, so don't waste it. As they all say, you only live once, do the things you love before it's too late and it will take you somewhere, somehow, it's funny how events are all linked and happen for a reason. Design a life you love, make your friends and family proud of your achievements, prove to them you are more than what they think.

  Grasp the time you've got and make use of it. Don't just sit there in front of a computer and dream about an ideal life, because you're not making anything happen. Seeing people on the internet gaining success might make you feel really discouraged because you've achieved nothing significant yet but think of it as a goal to look up to.

  Time is valuable so do the things you love and not the things you are reluctant to do, take the risk, no regrets. You have a dream, so make it happen.

 

People Move On

  I returned home for the summer holidays, it was nice to see back my family and friends, returning back to where it all began. I returned back to my old school, nothing really changed, still the same antique, old-fashioned building filled with memories and laughter, I missed wearing the uniform, I just missed, the conversations that I would have with my classmates. In my mind, I had the best years of my studying career here, all those memories kept flashing through my mind. There is something different than the school life I have in the UK.

  I met all my old classmates but, there was a sense of awkwardness, it was like we didn't know each other, we didn't know what to talk about because it has been too long. I sensed the feeling that they were pushing me away. I watched my classmates play together, everything just fitted in, without me. Why do I suddenly feel left out? We were such good friends, now, it's like nothing was even established, I was back to square zero.

  It has been so long, that I don't know what they were up to, I didn't know what was in their mind. It has been so long, that they have forgotten about me and moved on because I am not in their life as often, which I understand. However, it's just really saddening that my relationship with them have fallen into embarrassment and awkwardness, it upsets me that I've lost a friend.

  Do you know the feeling that you have this long lost friend that you've always wanted to contact but you decide not to because they are having the time of lives without you and are doing just fine. It feels like you don't want to disturb their life because you are no longer necessary. I always wondered what would happen if I stayed in my old school, I might still be in good contact with them and make even more memories together, I might still be able to understand their in-jokes and do the things they do now. Seeing my friends posting their daily life activities on the internet makes me want to do it with them, makes me miss them, but I never know if it's the same to them.

  People move on whether if it's with you or without. So do you, there are just some things that you just swiftly forget as time passes because you change and you face new challenges, you meet new people and you forget the old ones. That's just something that human nature does, we get fed up with one thing and move on to the next. I would very much want to maintain my relationship with my friends forever but that's really difficult and hard. Only the real and true ones stay behind, it shows that they care about you, whether or not you've changed or awkward around them.

  Sometimes, memories are the things that we hold dearest, it is a proof of good times with your friends, whether if they have moved on and forgot you or still by your side when you're in hard times, they are just flashbacks of happy events of your life. Time moves on, so do you, but memories don't. So, I'd rather just leave a happy memory of all my friends than actually make an effort to befriend them again because I might not like their new self and it might ruin the 'perfect' memories I have with them.

A Little Story (Chapter 6)

I waited at the cafe with a light heart, people are usually really nervous on their first date but I don't know why I'm not, probably because I don't really fancy Aaron really. I don't know why I'm agreeing to do this but somehow, I'm here, about to have the first date of my whole life. 

Aaron came in with a huge smile, showing off his white teeth, ugh, will that boy stop showing off his charisma? His face lit up when he saw me and walked to towards my direction, he was wearing tight jeans with a plain dark blue top, I can tell the colours because he's one of my stimulants, apart from video games, which makes him kind of special.

'Hey, you're early, you look good today.' Smiling at me

I looked down, just my regular dungarees and striped shirt which I have no clue what colour it is. I bet he was saying that to make me fall for him, not going down that route, such a flower boy line.

We ordered our coffees and sat down on a little table next to the big glass windows of the cafe, it had a view of the busy road and people passing by, I like it, it reminds me how time flies. 

'So, tell me about you.'

'Me? There's not much to know about me.'

'Come one. The only thing I know about you is that you're called Emma and that you play video games really well.'

'That's my life exactly.'

I was short in my answers because, really, there is really nothing interesting in me, I have absolutely no talent whatsoever. I don't want to him about me being colourblind because he knows the video gaming side of me, and that girl is not known to be colourblind, it's best to keep my worlds separate. 

'Ok, then let me start. My name is Aaron, I'm 17 years old, currently in high school, I'm into video gaming, rugby, lacrosse, any sport you name it, I was born and raised in Oxford and.. well, I like a girl called Emma who has gorgeous brown hair with the most beautiful blue eyes that make me near to the point of fainting, she is also very mysterious and I would like to get to know her more.'

Is he hitting on me? Flirting is not found in my dictionary, I don't find it flattering at all. Yes, I do have brown hair and blue eyes, there is no need to flatter me with extravagant adjectives. He's the same age as me and lives in the same area as me, I guess that could be fate? 

'If you want to know me more, you need to earn my trust, I don't fall easily.'

Yes. Go Emma, pretty boys need to know that some girls are hard to get.

'You know, I think that this attitude you have is really cute.' and he shot me his cheeky smile.

Boy, don't do this to me.

'Well, I'm glad you find it attractive, but that doesn't mean you're earning my trust.'

'Oh, I will, eventually. I'll prove to you that I'm the best boyfriend you will ever have.'

'Oh really, I guess you're really experienced then. How many girls before me?'

'Smooth. Well, should I be honest with you? None.'

None? Does that mean that he has so much pride that he thinks he's too cool for anyone.

'I'm surprised, I thought you were the playboy type.'

'Well, my girlfriend, I might not be the type of guy who dates everyone but I do like to party.'

Did he just call me his girlfriend? Partying? Things I have never experienced and never will.

'Excuse me, when did I ever agree to be your girlfriend?'

'Since the moment you decided to come to this date.'

'I came here because it was a forfeit and that this was on the gamers news, so I was pressured to come'

'Still, you coming here means that you have feelings for me.'

I gulped, he really has his ways of making everything go his way.

'If I did have feelings for you, I would still come here anyways, who wouldn't want a free cup of coffee?'

'That is an invalid argument'

'On that account, I feel like this conversation is not really going anywhere and therefore I'm going to make my leave. Goodbye Aaron, thank you for the coffee.' I smiled at him mischievously.

I could see him portray a sign of disbelief. Aaron, girls have a way of winning an argument no matter the circumstances because they just rock like that.

I exited the cafe, I could sense him following him. Maybe I was concentrating on his presence that I couldn't see the car rushing towards me on the road. Next thing I knew, I was shocked to see bright lights shining in my direction..

*Thank you so much for reading~ follow for further updates! This is also available on wattpad if that's easier for you to read (link: https://www.wattpad.com/myworks/43085217-colours)*

A Little Story (Chapter 5)

Aaron's POV
I withdrew a pink leather notebook from a box in the dusty attic. The attic is stored with memories of my childhood, my stuffed toy friends who casts off all the bad dreams, my first ever basketball, it's just nice to come up here once in a while to remind me who I am. 

I looked at the notebook, and it naturally put a smile to my face, the notebook was entitled 'Colours', embroidered with colourful patterns that me and Emma put together, I still remember Emma telling me off for using the wrong colour, this was our memory book. Inside, there are drawings by me and Emma, we did it like a diary, but rather than expressing it in words, we expressed it by drawings and colours. She would come over to my house after school and we would draw down our memories. 

I went to my bedroom and tucked the notebook safely in my backpack, sat down and thought about my date with Emma, does she really not remember me?
That night, I asked my mother about Emma, but her answer was
'Who is Emma?'

Emma's POV
After the shock of being asked out for the first time in my life, I hid myself under the pillow and screamed. That Aaron dude, why did he embarrass me in front of everybody, now I'm on all sorts of Gaming News Websites. I played video games not because it's fun or because I enjoy the fame of being good at it, I play it because it's my escape from reality. None of this was expected, and I hate the unexpected. Why is Aaron reaching so hard for me? What is it in me that attracts him? Ahhhhh...

Anyways, it's only just a coffee date, nothing big, at least it's not some cliche cinema date.. I'm prepared dump him anytime, I'm not ready of love. To be honest, I'm not ready for anything, definitely not school. This is going to be a disaster, what if I choke on my coffee? What is spat coffee all over his beautiful face? Argh... Boys are so hard to deal with.

I received a text from him just when I was in the midst of all the possible things that could go wrong

Aaron: Hey, are you free tomorrow? We can meet in the tiny coffee shop opposite the post office at 4. Look forward to our date ;)

Great, he's a playboy, I bet he's one of those cliche popular athletics boys in high school who always gets smooched by pretty cheerleaders. I can just imagine it.
Emma: Fine. See you then.

No smiley faces in the end, just to show him my 'affection'.

Aaron: Do you know that you acting cold makes me like you more? :)

I sneered, he wants me to fall for him, that's never happening in a million years. I turned off my phone, this boy is not worth my time, which I happen to have a lot of.

I opened my diary and wrote about today, the bizarre things I've experienced, being on stage and being cheered by strangers, this was definitely a breakout. Video Gaming knocked down the walls that I've been hiding behind for almost my whole life. 

That night, my dreams flashed back to my childhood, a little boy with an unclear face was chasing me around, his hands full of paint.

'Come on Emma! paint with me!' 

I don't remember this boy but I do remember the promise I made with him. I promised him that I would paint a picture of his dead mother for him if he won nationals in swimming. 

Well, that's never going to happen now because I'm colourblind.

*Thank you for reading! This is also on wattpad if it's better to read that way
http://www.wattpad.com/myworks/43085217-colours 

Goodbyes

 Today, it was my maths teacher's last day in my school. I never really liked my teacher, to be honest, I didn't like his teaching methods, he wasn't my favourite teacher on the list. Today in his goodbye party, he gave each individual a present, as a sign of thank you, he put together a video of all our memories through the past 2 years, and I suddenly realised, I'm going to miss him.

  In his book that he gave me as a present, he wrote some words of wisdom to me, he said that life is a succession of lessons which must be lived to be understood, life itself is the most wonderful fairytale. I don't know when I will meet another inspiring teacher like him ever in my life, his leave suddenly made me emotional and sad. I believe that there are only a few teachers out there who aims to inspire. Even though our lives might not converse in the future, he will still be the most memorable maths teacher I ever had, he made a print on my path of life.

  We were singing along to 'I'm Yours' by Jason Mraz in class because it was his favourite song, the whole class sang it wholeheartedly, making our last encore before his absence, When I was singing along, I noticed my maths teacher quietly standing beside the board shedding a tear, trying so hard to hold back his tears, he looked genuinely sad but he acted strong and sang along. Goodbyes are hard, you never really understand until it's really time, Time flies so fast that when it's really time to say our final words to each other, it feels weird and you just wish that the moment will stay forever.

  Goodbyes are inevitable, but people move on because that's just how we're adapted to be. Some goodbyes are harder than others but through time, we will meet new people and eventually, move on. I will still remember when the other teachers asked my maths teacher, 'What's your class like?', his reply will always be, 'It's the best class I've taught in my whole teaching career' These little compliments and actions he does to make his imprint on me, just makes me miss him more, but soon he will be stored away in my memory box, as a memory that I can look back at when I'm 50 and smile at..

Quiet

I consider myself to be an introvert, I tend to keep things to myself and watch people from the sidelines quietly. I might be sociable in front of my friends but in the majority of the time, I keep my mouth shut. I don't really know why I do this, maybe it's because I know that words can hurt people and I, as a careless person will say the wrong thing at the wrong time, and I can't bear the consequences. However, through time, I've realised that silence is a weapon.

  The more I keep my thoughts to myself, the more it accumulates in my mind, it makes me ponder and wonder, creating hatred and emotions. Even then, I still keep quiet, keeping in my anger and letting these 'feelings' keep bottling up. I have come to the stage where I realise that I don't want people to see my weaknesses because nobody can be trusted. People are scary, they are all beings that do whatever it takes to gain their interests, whether if it's betraying or neglecting you, I've learnt it the hard way. Therefore, all these feelings accumulates until one day it will overload and are in need of disposal, and the only solution is to lock myself into a room and stare into a blank space and cry, it's comforting, like releasing a dagger from your heart.

  As a quiet person, I tend to observe people, I realise people's behaviour and I notice a lot of things, it gives me more insight of life as I unlock the little secrets of human nature. People say I'm anti-social but I'm not, I'm just different, I'm just... quiet...

A Little Story Chapter 4

  Playing professional on stage is not an easy thing, the adrenaline drove me and my hands were all sweaty. I felt pressured but despite all the nervousness, the bright lights, the attention, all these things I was experiencing was new and I love it.

 It was a close game, I came second amongst the contestants, only 1 mark below.. Aaron.. My heart sank, I was told that the winner of the game could pick a contestant for a forfeit, Aaron might pick me for his revenge after all those horrible things I told him, damn. 

  Aaron walked to centre stage next to the MC, his tall and bulk structure shone, my heart skipped a beat.

  'So, our winner Aaron, now is your time to decide on a forfeit to one of the contestant of your choice! So, who is the lucky person today?'

  Aaron smirked, showing his dimples and white shining teeth, I have to admit, he is good-looking

  'Um.. I'm not sure, but there is this girl that I met who was quite rude to me backstage.'

  'Who is this rude girl you speak of?'

  'Well, she's not exactly rude, she does have her charismatic side, I mean, she looks perfectly beautiful.'

  He then turned his back and looked directly into my eyes along with a cheeky smile. I was embarrassed, I could feel my cheek go red, why is he doing this to me?

  'So who is this mysterious girl?'

  'Emily Clarke and she's sitting right there.' Pointing his fingers right towards my direction.

  The whole arena had eyes on me, I didn't know what to do, it was so awkward, I knew he would do that, just to make me uncomfortable. Cheers calling me to stand up came ringing into my ears, everything was blurry, my head ached, this was too much. I saw the MC approach my direction.

  'Emily! Come here!'

  He grabbed my hand and I was led next to Aaron, I couldn't stand him, I looked at the other direction knowing that he was looking at me. 

  'So we meet again, Emily..' He whispered into my ears

  'I think you're taking this a bit too far.' I said bluntly into his face, I didn't know what I was doing, and I did the rude thing again.

  'Just you wait what the forfeit is.' and laughed..

  What is he planning on doing?? Boys are so hard to understand.

  'Aaron, now you've chosen your target, will you tell us the forfeit?'

  Aaron held my hands suddenly, looked into my eyes with his cloud blue eyes, my eyes were fixed to his, my hands were trembling, my whole body froze, my heart was thumping hard.

  'Will you, Emily Clarke, go on a date with me?'

  The whole arena went silent, people were astonished. I was.. wordless, is this for real? This is the first time in my life that I've been asked out. But, why me? What is it in me that he was so fascinated in? We've only met for 5 minutes.. I don't understand, I'm just lonely girl that just want to be in her own bubble forever, why is he slowly drawing me out of my comfort zone? 

  Then, I realised, he is one of my stimulants, that means he's someone that can change my life, is this fate? I was clueless, I didn't know what to say.

  I just looked at him with unbelievable eyes.. My life is changing..

*Thank you for reading! This is also on wattpad if it's better to read that way
http://www.wattpad.com/myworks/43085217-colours 

Alone

  I like being alone, from time to time. I close my eyes and listen to my ballad music, I look around me and observe, the quietness that I'm never used to, the waving trees outside, the pattering rain, and feeling my heart is relaxing. When I'm alone, I think what a long way I have came in life, I start to think deep, and all the burdens of my life would instantly go away and I just want to stay at the moment forever.

  I like the sense that I don't have to please anyone or make the effort to make friends or keep friends or anything. Sometimes, things just becomes too much and I think we all need that alone time to have a reality check, a moment where you can be yourself and find back your old self. I often find myself changing my character to please other people and as time goes by, I start to lose my original character. When I'm alone, my old self comes back because there is no one there to judge what I'm doing.

  When you're alone, you start to think why nobody cares about you after all, after all the things you have done to them, you wonder why you're not the perfect girl that always has this cute boyfriend, you wonder why you're so weird, you get so angry at yourself because you are you. At that point, I always cry, for no apparent reason, just because I just felt like it, crying for the sake that it'll make me feel better about my crappy life. Crying is a way of self-comfort, it shows out weak side that we don't want anyone to see because we are insecure about ourselves, that's why we always cry when we're alone, hiding your feelings from everyone because they will judge for who you are.

  Who are you? When I'm alone, I always search for myself, my real-self. Who am I actually? Am I the girl that is always sociable and hangs out with her friends all the time? Or am I the girl that always wants to hide in her room and go on the internet? I get confused because there are so many sides of myself. I wish that people would accept me for the way I am but at the end of the day, I'm really the only one who can accept my true self. We all have our crazy and lonely sides that we don't want to see.

  When I'm alone, I always look out of my window and look at the sky, those clouds emerging together, the way they move together, I always think that the sky is the prettiest when I'm alone and it makes me realises that I'm only a small creature in the great big world. Upon those clouds is a completely universe that is unknown to us and I realise that I'm one of the billions of people in the world.
 
  Then I figure that I'm not alone, because there must be someone right now, at the same moment, thinking the same thing as me, alone in their rooms and having their alone time. I'm not a loner, I'm not alone. The alone time we have I think is a type of healing, it heals you from all the hurt you get everyday, all the guilt you endure, it releases it out of your chest.

  Being alone saves us from being something we're not, it is a time that allows to do whatever we want because there is no one there to stop us; being alone means that you can rethink your life, decide what you want to do for the rest of it and just let the chips fall into its place; being alone motivates you to do your best and live life the fullest everyday...

A Little Story (Chapter 3)

Chapter 3

  The day has finally come, once a hobby now has become a big thing in my life. What is this feeling in my heart? The feeling of being noticed, to be seen instead of to see, people actually know me for what I do. Video gaming has changed my life, it reset my life and I can now live as a new identity, a girl that by chance is good at video games, not a useless girl who is colour blind.
  I arrived at the arena, I was amazed by the different various types of promotions of the video games, it was like.. heaven, the only thing that makes me happy. I was immersed in the stores and I was interrupted by a man with a pristine suit, he looked proper, not someone I would expect in this kind of event, he wore these bulky black glasses, I wasn't sure about his choice of style.
  'Hi, I'm David Spectar, I'm one of the organisers of today's event. Are you Emily Clarke? One of our guests to compete in the gaming battle onstage today? It's a pleasure to meet you, if you follow me Miss. Clarke.'
  So I did, I walked down the long alley down to the middle of arena, and a lot of people were looking at me, I felt self-conscious, this has never happened in my life and a few moments I will be playing video games in front of a big crowd, I don't know how I'm going to cope.
  I was sent to wait backstage alongside with my 'opponents', I realised that I was the only female amongst the group, it felt strange. I sat quietly at the corner, observing the other people in the room, they were all very anti-social, but I guest I'm anti-social as well, they all had their gadgets, holding their PS3s, they all looked really professional.
  In the midst of these thoughts, someone poked my back, I turned around and saw.. a coloured boy, he had black nike shoes, blue jeans and a grey t-shirt, all these colours evaded my mind, he must be one of my stimulants to improve my vision, I was loss for words, I looked at him with wide eyes, he had a well-structured face, beautiful cheekbones, dreamy blue eyes and brown hair, his eyes squinted when he smiled, he had this charismatic look, like a charm.
  'Hey, I'm Aaron, so you're the legendary player that made it up the leader board within a month, how did you do it? I can't believe it, it took me at least half a year to accomplish that. What's your name?'
  My heart fluttered, what is this feeling? I don't understand, why is my heart beating so fast? A heat flushed to my cheeks, I didn't know what to say, but these words came out of my mouth
  'I'm Emily Clarke, and... it's none of your business.'
  WHY DID I SAY SUCH THING! Is my body resisting to him? Why am I acting so cold all of the sudden? I haven't talked to a boy since.. Forever. I saw his smile fade, I saw his dreamy blue eyes lose its sparkle, I felt terrible and at that exact moment, I was called on stage, I looked back and saw him waiting to go on stage, he waved at me and mouthed the words Good Luck, I didn't know what to do, so I idiotically ignored him, well done Emily.
  Maybe this wasn't meant to be, maybe I'm acting like this because I shouldn't be attracted to him, I don't want him to know about my insecurity, I'm a hot mess and I don't want him to be dragged into this. However, what is this bad feeling I'm experiencing? Somehow, my gut tells me something is going to happen.
  Ignoring all my thoughts, I walked on stage faced by the cheer of a thousand people.


Aaron's POV
  Video gaming is a small part of my life, I like to hang out with my friends at school, I get the occasional love letter and gifts from a lot of 'fangirls', I enjoy attention, it makes me more occupied. Recently, one of my best friends proposed her love to me and I rejected her. I'm not interested in relationships, I'm waiting for the right girl for me, like the girl I met in prep school, I still couldn't forget her, I don't know why she never came back to school after she was hospitalised, I missed her.

  I was invited to become on of the competitors in the battle in the Annual Video Gaming Festivals. When I walked in the backstage, I saw this girl with long silky brown hair, she wore ordinary dull clothes, but there was a sense of secrecy that compelled me to her, like a sense of connection, I couldn't resist her. I figured she was the famous gamer that was mentioned in all the inner gossips in the gaming world, people describe her as cool and beautiful with style, I was obliged to see her face. I poked her shoulder and she turned around and I saw the most beautiful girl I've ever encountered, she had this kind of sad face, like she has this insecurity inside her that she doesn't anyone to know, her big blue  eyes pleaded with hope and potential, her lips were rouged and looked like they haven't smiled for a long time. Despite all the depressing features that I could sense, her face was telling a story, it intrigued me, how come such a beautiful person could have a hard life?  I wanted to know her.

  Then it hit me, she resembled to the girl I met in prep school, Emily

  *Follow to read further chapters, will update soon*

*Thank you for reading! This is also on wattpad if it's better to read that way
http://www.wattpad.com/myworks/43085217-colours 

A Little Story (Chapter 2)

Chapter 2)

  The feeling of seeing colour was extraordinary, it was like a sheer light coming into an abandoned dark room after a long time, it made me think that I can reset my life once and for all. That day, I bought a video game, it was weird because only the game was coloured, everything else was still black and white but at least it gave me something to look forward to, once I find all the stimulants in my life, then I will fully recover from my blindness. For once in my life, I could believe in myself and have faith.

 I returned home finding my mother sulking on the coach, I took a deep breath and stood in front of her, I held back my tears, I wish I could see her in colour, I wish she was one of my stimulants, but the odds are never in my favour. 'Ok mum, I'll go to college for you.' these simple words came out of my mouth and seeing my mother's face lit up for so long, I felt like I've finally made her happy, my mother hugged me tight and I could feel her warm tears soaking into my clothes, I slowly hid the video game I hid, I didn't want to give her false hope, this might never work but I'm willing to give it a shot.

  That night, I was playing the video game on my computer, it was thrilling, the adrenaline rushing through me, I have never felt so invincible in my life, it was an escape from my sad reality. When I'm playing video games, I am not just seeing black and white, it makes me happy for once in life. I was quickly addicted to it, overnight, I've already reached the highest levels, after a week, I was on the international leader board, I hardly slept but it was worth doing because it made me have a purpose. After 2 weeks of non-stop gaming, I was up at the top of the leader board, I was alone in my room but I wasn't in the video game, nobody in the game knows I'm colour blind, I was a new me.

  Video gaming became a huge part of my life, my mother never asked why I like gaming because she knows that I must have my means. After a few months, I was playing different sorts of games and I never got bored, I topped all of the rankings, the satisfaction when you complete a level, the pride you feel when you see your username on the board, I was addicted in a happy way, we are never addicted to something we don't like. However, the happy times will always come to an end, my mother one day came into my room holding a uniform,'you made a promise.' she said with a serious face, I knew the time had to come, I will have to start school in the next few weeks, back to reality. My mother also dropped a letter on my desk, 'This came in the post' she said, it was the first letter I've received in my life, it was probably an advertisement. Holding low hopes, I opened it but to find an invitation for me to attend a video game festival in London as a professional game player on stage, I was shocked, words could not describe what I felt. I was seen by someone for the first time rather than to see, people are noticing me, I'm finally not a nobody, this might just be my breakout in my life.

  *Please follow to see the continuing chapters, will update soon*

A Little Story

Chapter 1)

  Mum is always telling me to go to bed every night but I don't want to. Not when I don't have a reason to wake up, I will sleep at a decent time when I know there is something worth waking up for. My life is crumbling, it has become uninteresting, there's nothing I can look forward to. My mum always say that I have potential in being great but as I've grown up I've realised she was saying that to make me feel better. I still remember the day when I saw the colours in my eyes fading, seeing my classmate's uniform's colour fade, my sudden confusion, I couldn't comprehend what was happening, everything around me was slowly fading into 2 simple colours: black and white. I don't what happened next but the next thing I saw was the tears of my mother, sitting next to the hospital bed with her sorrowful look, I was only 5 and didn't know what to do but one thing was for sure, my heart was aching. From then on, I've become more aware that I'm colour blind, the doctor told me that my case is different and that I needed some stimulant to recover but he didn't know what, basically letting me accept the fact I will forever be colourblind.

  Life after that was so different, I couldn't go to school because I was so negative and hated being underestimated. I did try to go to school but all I could hear was, 'So she's the colour blind girl.', I hate being labelled, I hate being different, I hate being myself. I have lost interest in food because I couldn't see the colours, I have lost interest in movies and the media because all I could see is black and white. For the past 12 years, I've been living without purpose, I'm living not for my sake but for my mother, she was the only one that didn't give up on me and I don't want to let her down, she is the world to me, the only thing that I hold dearly. All the time, I feel angry with myself because I am who I am, a useless colourblind teenager who has no hope in life. I feel angry because I can do nothing about it and I feel angry because I see my poor mother suffer everyday because of me. I shouldn't be living, I'm an outlier. I'm constantly alone in this great big world and I hate it.

  I woke up today just as usual, grieving about my life and how messed up it is, eating my mother's breakfast and telling her to go away but today, my mother sat down in front of me, looked me into her tired, concerned eyes and said, 'Emily, you're almost 17, we need to start thinking about college and university, you can't hide away from reality.' It hits me, the cruel reality. I didn't want to hear what she wanted say, because it would just make me aggravated and I don't want my mother to be hurt, I ran out the front door and into the unknown world that I haven't discovered, I couldn't handle it, going back to school is just too much to deal with, I just want to be forever immersed in my own world.

   I was roaming the streets crying like an idiot, bearing the strange stares from the pedestrians. I sat on a bench and calmed myself down, but what astounded me was the glimpse of vivid green, I turned around and saw a store displaying a promotion on video games. However, what surprised me was, that the boxes of games were all in colour, right in front of my colour blind eyes, they were the first coloured objects I have seen for the past 12 years, was this a blessing from heaven? All I could see was the sparkling colourful video games that brightened. I have found the stimulant in my life, video games, it sounds ridiculous but I think I've found a purpose in my dull life, my heart was beating fast and I couldn't wait to see what this would lead to my life. For the first time in my life, I was excited to be living.

  *follow if you want to know how the story continues, will be posting another chapter soon*

*Thank you for reading! This is also on wattpad if it's better to read that way
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Friends

I think we can all agree that we want to be loved by everyone, we want to be the perfect person that everybody looks up to, we want to be 'goals'. When I scroll through my tumblr feed, I see these pretty and tanned girls in a bikini admiring the sunset, instead of feeling a sign of awe, I had a sign of defeat. In reality, we really can't be the perfect person, even the pretty girls in those 'perfect' pictures, there will always be people who find us annoying, and there will always be people who don't favour us. We all have our bad habits.

  That's what friends are for. True and genuine friends will tolerate your bad habits, they're the ones that share the same characteristics, habits and interest as you and those, are the ones that will help you all the way through life and don't hold grudges against you. True friends won't isolate you for someone else, true friends stick up to you no matter what, and trust me, there will only be just a few in your entire life. You don't need a hundred people to care about you because chances are, the majority of them don't care and just want your attention, true friends however do care and thinks about your needs before theirs. In primary school, I used to be friendless because I was different, I was new to the environment and I didn't know anyone, I remember I would cry everyday until a girl approached me one day and asked me if I was okay before anyone else, she did it because she cared, she did it because she noticed and was concerned. The feeling was new and touching, it was like finding light in the big dark world and I can tell you that the girl that became my first friend in life is now my best friend for 7 years.

  Friends are bonded through memorable things, you both have a mutual memory of each other. The small talks you have with them, the DMCs you talk about all night, the memorable school trips you had together. A friend is somebody that can insult your insecurities and you won't feel offended because you know they're joking. Sometimes at night, I wonder what i wake up everyday for, what is something that is worth while for me to get up and sleep at a decent time? Well, friends do, we look forward to school, to trips, to dates because we want to make more memories with your friends, going to school and studying might not be fun but you will find that the best memories you have in life lies in the memories you make at school. A school is a portal for you to make friends so treasure it. I think there is a clear difference between lovers and friends, Lovers are a pair of people who are passionately in love and can tolerate each others flaws; friends are a group of people who respect you for who you are and were there to witness your success since day 1.

It Hurts

  I think whenever people go, they always have this obligation to judge people. You might not know it, but when we first see a person, we subconsciously judge their looks, and instantly figure out the character of the person. That's why when you go to job interviews, you want to look pristine and formal because you want to have a good first impression. However, this judging gets too much.

  At school, all that I ever hear from people is their opinions about others, we do it because we enjoy it, undermining people and pick out the bad things about them. I have to admit, I do too sometimes. To be frank, we all do. As I mentioned over and over, we are eternally interested in ourselves. If we want ourselves to feel better, we tend to speak bad things about other people who you think are worse than you, then you'll feel more confident and superior. Don't you ever think when you speak out an opinion, you suddenly feel so much better? You like picking the negatives in people, the feeling is great and sometimes people get carried away with it...

  I was playing Paranoia with a group of friends, the games was to write down mean questions and put them in a jar, when you receive a question, you have to say the name of the person that is the answer to the question, if the person wants to know what the question was, they have to shout Paranoia. You only have three chances to say Paranoia. To my surprise, the majority of the answers were my name, I didn't know if it was a good thing or a bad thing but I soon found out. I shouted Paranoia to one of the questions and the question was 'Who would you kick out from your friendship group?'. The feeling was strange, the feeling that everything was a lie, everything that I contributed to my 'friends' wasn't appreciated, it was like I just don't belong. I knew it was just a game but sometimes, these comments, it hurts. I couldn't even imagine what I would have felt if the comment was genuine and was spoken to in my face. Even though these mean comments might not be true, people disregard it and take it the wrong way. I remember I was crying so much that night, thinking about all the effort I made to make friends and trying so hard to fit in, those mean comments kept whispering inside my head. I admit, I am a sensitive soul, but who isn't?

 Making these comments is what causes depression in people, because they feel cheated and they have nowhere to turn to. Even though you are saying it behind their backs, the word will spread and the person will find out eventually. Just imagine, if one day the person you despised became your best friends because you found out their true self but then they found out that you were talking behind their backs before, you instantly lose their trust and friendship, isn't that a shame.

  Therefore, you have no right to make a comment on a person unless you know them inside out, if you don't, then that's just a mean rumour. Yes, some people have characteristics that are hateful, but that doesn't mean you have to talk behind their backs, that won't change their character but in fact make it get worse, you're not doing any favours here. Tell the person directly, tell her what's wrong with her attitude in a nice way and they will reflect, try to give them a second chance to prove their true self instead of hurting them.  I think everybody deserves a second opportunity..

  

That Bully

  I’ve come to notice that bullying has become quite common, whether if it’s on the Internet, or physically in school. The proper definition of a bully is someone who uses strength and influence to harm or intimidate those who are weaker. Those people are selfish and they feel good when they bully people, it gives them a sense of power and satisfaction, and it is addicting.

 

  I was really lucky to have not yet had this experience of being bullied but I always feel compassion when I see posts on social media about bullying, I feel it’s very unfair and unjust, it drives people to a corner where there are no options of escape, I cannot dare to think how horrible that feeling is. Even though I’m not somebody in the position to give advice, I still want to put out some points to the victims out there. Don’t be silent about it, silence is like a cancer grows, if you stay silent about it, all those mean comments will keep on bothering your mind and you’ll become really self-conscious and depressed. You don’t necessarily have to tell a physical person, just write it out in your diary or on a blog, something to express your feelings.

  All bullies bully because they have their insecurities, mostly I think is because they want to be cool and be popular, people enjoy attention as I’ve mentioned in my previous post, their insecurity is losing friends and popularity, and mostly attention. If you know an insecurity of the bully that bullies you, pick on that, intimidate them, write a post-it and stick it on their locker, if you’re brave enough, say it in their face. Another way is to make them embarrassed in front of public, crack a joke in front of them and make them look bad. You don’t have to be afraid to speak up because there are no rankings between people, you and them are on the same level, both human beings, it’s just that ones more confident than the other, just because they have more friends to support them doesn’t mean that they are more superior than you. Step up.

  I guarantee you that if you avoid them by changing schools or by any other way, it won’t let the problem resolve. When you go into the new school, you’ll still have this insecurity that people will mock you and you become skeptical of people, unable to show you true self. If you let all those bullies go away, you’re confidence will rise and I bet then you won’t be the weakest person in school.  Don’t give up when you’re down because you have an amazing life upon you and it is not worth it to be worrying over some stupid comments that aren’t even true. Design your own life, and don’t others design it for you…

  And for bullies that are reading this post, pulling down someone doesn’t mean it’ll put you in a higher position, so stop bullying.